#people want answers and at the same time don't

[redhoodfucker69]

okay I used to work for a pharmaceutical manager. basically it was a service that directly managed pharmaceutical benefits for insurance companies and also had its own mail order pharmacy. I was a call center representative and I won't get into it but I basically had a mental breakdown and completely ghosted before I got fired. that's beside the point. (people are seriously not meant to be expected to take 90 calls in a fucking eight hour shift. that's like five minutes per call and half of the time it takes five minutes just to get through the fucking HIPAA verification).

in any case. I was the first level customer service agent. the one you talked to so I could figure out what was needed, if I could resolve it, and what dedicated team was necessary to resolve it if I couldn't. dealing with both insurance and pharmacy at the same time meant I needed to be able to answer a lot of difficult questions, especially since we also had a specialty pharmacy on the side that dealt with more complex and highly expensive medications. sometimes it ended up I couldn't answer any questions at all, nor could my company, and I had to waste thirty fucking minutes figuring out who in their actual insurance company I needed to get on the line with so they could talk to them. nightmare job. in any case, the majority of questions and tasks I fielded had to do with the mail order pharmacy.

we tended to use USPS as our dedicated mail company except in special situations like overnight orders or specific refrigerated medications. even without a pharmacy tech license, I was qualified to place those orders. most of our callers were the elderly, because older folks prefer using the phone and talking to people and don't like ordering via automated system. (i don't blame them, when I refill prescriptions, I just jump directly to speak to representative bc who the hell has time to fight with a system that may or may not refill the wrong thing when I can talk to a person, and those systems OFTEN fill the wrong thing, I know from experience, especially when you're on the same medication but adjusting dosages and there's like three separate dosages with qualified refills). so, I would refill. a lot. of medications for old folks.

I cannot express to you based on my experience the absolute importance of having USPS functioning as it should and not privatized. many of these rural communities have no local pharmacy, are miles away from big towns that have them, and are entirely dependent on mail order pharmacies that refill medications every three months on a schedule. there are so many elderly folks stranded out there that have never lived in a big city in their life and rely on their kids living in larger towns to take them to doctor appointments, or dedicated caretakers, or just carpooling. they'll stack all of their appointments for the same day and all hop in a car to go to the city. they need these mail order pharmacies.

mail order pharmacies typically rely on USPS for a reason: privatized parcel delivery companies will often not serve to tiny rural communities. if you're living on a dirt road, you're shit out of luck for delivery. sure, there's some small towns with a physical location, or close enough to a town with a physical location they'll deliver. but not super often, and it also depends. if there's no physical location, but they still do in town deliveries, they'll often refuse to drop off a package that requires a signature due to the cost of whatever is in the package. why? because they don't want to constantly play signature tag with someone where there isn't an immediately available office to go back to with the package. and a lot of these packages require signatures because medications are fucking expensive. so if you want to get your medicine, you gotta drive 30 minutes to over an hour to wherever the hell your package is anyways.

that's where USPS comes in. because it's not for profit, it delivers everywhere, and even if a town doesn't have a post office bc it's got such a tiny population, the next town over will, and they'll deliver.

I cannot express this enough. privatizing the USPS will absolutely fucking kill these small communities, and may actually kill some people before the communities die off. I cannot tell you how many times I had to field calls where they only called once they ran out of maintenance medications waiting on a new batch, even though there's a fairly large buffer zone when ordering directly from the pharmacy where you should have a handful of days, up to a week, leftover when your new medication comes in. they will straight up wait for it to run out before they make the call. combine that with a chaotic post office and it will get out of control fast. they're stubborn and don't want to call their kids or caretakers to go pick up an emergency supply from the nearest pharmacy. I had to sweet talk a LOT of old folks into getting an emergency supply, and not every agent will do that, and even if they do, they won't always be successful. I wasn't always successful. one time I had to talk an old lady into getting an emergency supply for her anti rejection medication for her fucking liver transplant. I wasn't even required nor trained to tell people emergency supplies were something they could get when on the mail order program. in fact, I was told in training I could only say yes when asked the question, and I wasn't supposed to bring it up, bc insurance companies are fucking ghouls that would rather people die than spend a little extra money. many agents will go by the book and NOT bring it up. I didn't want someone's death on my hands, so I made sure to always tell them.

privatizing the postal service will ACTUALLY kill people, and postal workers know this. they talk to people on their regular routes. they get to know them. they see them every day. they're even more chatty with retirees and old folks because they're someone familiar to talk to and a lot of old folks are isolated. they know DAMN well not only their jobs are on the line, but people's lives are at stake here. they know the ins and outs of politics and cost saving measures with privatized parcel delivery services like FedEx and UPS. they know privatizing the post office will inevitably end in some of those old folks they see almost every day and chat to dying and them losing their jobs and benefits. I guarantee you a lot of the people getting laid off in the first round will be the older drivers that have been with the post office for 20, 30 years now, running the same routes and watching the same folks grow old. the drivers know that too.

so. yeah. this is gonna actually kill people. don't let the post office get privatized. if you see these protests in your city, swing by. you can protest with them, or if you don't have time, drop off unopened cases of bottled water. it's getting hot out here. keep your postal workers hydrated. maybe drop off some donuts for blood sugar. support unions.

[slaybinnie]

ALLEYWAY BOY

╰┈➤ sieun x fem!reader

𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃 warnings: explicit sexual content (18+ MDNI), violence, explicit language, no sexual protection.

about: while at your new school, one student catches your attention. when you help him during a fight you’re welcomed into his friend group. now in university, sieun begins to open up more, emotionally and physically.

⤷ WORD COUNT: 5k

The classroom was loud with chatter as everyone waited for the teacher to arrive for the first class of the day. You had transferred to Eunjang High School just a week ago and were still trying to find your place among the complex social hierarchy. 

No one really stood out except one person. You noticed him immediately. A boy sitting alone by the window, his face expressionless as he stared outside. Something about him drew you to him. While everyone else moved in groups, laughing and talking loudly, he existed in his own bubble. You had occasionally seen him hang out with three other boys but most days he was to himself. 

Oh. You’re looking at Sieun?” Whispered the girl sitting next to you, catching you staring. “He doesn't talk much. He transferred a little before you. Apparently he killed someone at his old school.”

You nodded, trying to look disinterested even as your eyes kept drifting back to him.

Your chance to actually meet him came a few days later. You had stayed late at school to complete a makeup test and were walking home alone when you heard yelling in the ally way. You should’ve taken that as a sign to turn around and take a different way home but curiosity got the better of you. 

You looked around the corner and saw four guys surrounding someone. When they moved around, you caught a glimpse of Sieun, standing there with the same frown on his face.

“You think just because you took down Seongje means we’re scared of you?,” one of them was said.

Sieun's voice was quiet but firm. “No.”

What happened next was so fast you barely registered it. One moment one of the guys was lunging toward Sieun and the next moment he was on the ground clutching his stomach. The others rushed in but Sieun moved with a quickness, fighting back. 

In less than a minute, all of them were on the ground. The first guy Sieun took down pulled out a small knife, and that's when you gasped involuntarily. Everyone froze. Sieun's eyes snapped to where you stood, and in that moment of distraction the knife-wielder lunged. Without thinking, you shouted, “Behind you!” 

Sieun dodged it just in time, the blade missing his face by inches. He grabbed the guys wrist and twisted until the knife fell to the ground.

All four boys fled and Sieun turned to you. You expected him to show anger for you interfering but his face didn’t show anything actually. 

“You should go home,” he said finally. “It's not safe here.”

“You're bleeding,” you pointed out, noticing a cut on his cheek.

He touched it softly. “It's nothing.”

Instead of leaving, you dug into your bag and pulled out a packet of tissues and a small first-aid kit your mother had insisted you carry. “Let me help.”

For a long moment, he just stared at you. Then, to your surprise, he gave a single nod and leaned against the wall, allowing you to dab at the cut with a wipe.

“Why did you warn me?” he asked suddenly. “You don't even know me.”

You focused on cleaning the cut, avoiding his intense gaze. “Should I have let him stab you instead?”

He exhaled a breath. “Most people would have run away.”

“Well I didn’t want to see a fellow Eunjang student hurt,” you replied with a smile on your face.

“Yo, Sieun!” a voice called. Three boys approached, the one with a basketball jersey frowning when he saw the signs of a fight. “What happened?”

“Nothing important,” Sieun replied, straightening up.

The basketball jersey boy's eyes shifted to you, suspicious. “Who's this?”

“A classmate,” Sieun said before you could answer. “She helped.”

The introduction was short and sweet. You learned that Baku was the one with the jersey on. Junate and Gotak were the other two boys. These were the boys you had seen Sieun hang out with every now and then. 

From this moment you were cautiously accepted into their friend circle. Sieun rarely spoke to you directly at first but sometimes you would catch him watching you when he thought you weren't looking.

It took months to break his walls down with you. You had slowly earned his trust and got to learn about the story behind his fighting skills and the way he kept everyone at a distance. You learned about his troubled past, his friend in the hospital, and got to know his personality more. 

By the start of your senior year everything was starting to look up. Suho, Sieuns hospital friend, had woken up, Eungjang high was no longer bothered by the union and your friendship with Sieun developed into something more.

One year later and you’re all now in University. The campus coffee shop was loud with voices and machines as students rushed to grab their caffeine before afternoon classes. You sat at a corner table, textbooks spread across the surface as you tried to make sense of your class assignment.

University life had been treating you well, balancing classes with part-time work and a social life was challenging, but manageable. 

Sieun hadn't changed much since high school. His face still carried that same deadpan expression, sharp eyes that softened only for you, and a quietness that intimidated most people. What did change was your goals for him and you. 

Since starting university, you'd made it your mission to get more reactions out of him. It had become something of a game between you and him trying to maintain his composure while you tried your best to break it.

Sieun walked in the coffee shop, his dark hair slightly messy from the breeze outside. He looked so good. Despite being your boyfriend for almost six months now, the sight of him still made your heart skip a beat.

“Hey,” he said, sliding into the seat across from you. “Sorry I'm late. The professor wanted to discuss my project”

You smiled, pushing your untouched ice tea toward him. “No problem. How did it go?”

“Better than expected.” He reached for the drink, his fingers brushing against yours. Even after months of dating, these small touches still sent electricity through your body. “He thinks I might be able to submit it to receive a full ride scholarship.”

“That's amazing” Your genuine excitement made him bow his head slightly, still unused to praise despite his talents.

Sieun took a sip from your drink, using the same straw you had been using. When he realized what he'd done, a faint blush crept across his cheeks. He quickly set the drink down.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking anywhere but at your face.

You couldn't help but laugh. For someone who had faced the craziest situations in high school, it was interesting how flustered he could get over such small intimacies. 

“Sieun…” you started, taking another sip from the same straw, “ you know sharing drinks is what couples do.”

His blush deepened. “I know that.”

“Do you?” You leaned forward, resting your chin on your palm. “Because sometimes I wonder if you remember we're dating.”

Sieun's eyes met yours, embarrassment written all over his face.  “Of course I remember we’re dating.”

“Then why do you still get so flustered when I do this?” You reached across the table and gently brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. As expected, he stiffened slightly before relaxing into your touch.

“I'm not flustered,” he insisted, though the color in his cheeks said otherwise.

You laughed softly. “Sure baby.” 

Honestly, you found his shy reactions adorable. Sieun had always been reserved, even after you'd started dating. Breaking through his walls had been a slow process but every small victory felt significant. You loved to see him gradually allow himself to be vulnerable with you.

“How's your assignment going?” he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.

“It’s going horribly,” you admitted dramatically. “This subject makes no sense to me.”

Sieun scooted his chair around to sit beside you, his shoulder pressing against yours as he looked at your textbook. “Let me see.”

As he began explaining concepts  you found yourself watching the movement of his lips more than listening to his words. When he paused to see if you were following, you impulsively leaned in and kissed his cheek.

He froze mid-sentence, eyes widening. “What was that for?” he asked, voice slightly cracking.

"I just wanted to kiss you,” you replied with a shrug. “Is that okay?”

Sieun swallowed hard. “Yeah... it's okay.”

You smiled and turned back to the textbook, acting as if nothing had happened, though you could feel the tension radiating from him. You had to have a nice balance with Sieun, pushing just enough to help him become comfortable with affection without overwhelming him.

For the next hour, you studied together, gradually shifting closer until your thighs touched under the table. Every so often, you would find excuses to touch him. You’d reach across to point at something in the book and let your arm rest against his. Each touch left him momentarily flustered before he composed himself again. 

“We should get going,” he said, closing his textbooks and glancing at his watch. “We're supposed to meet the others for lunch in twenty minutes.”

You groaned, remembering the lunch plan. “Do we have to? I was hoping to have you to myself today.”

A small smile played on his lips. “They'll never let us hear the end of it if we bail.”

“Fine,” you sighed dramatically, gathering your books. “But you owe me.”

“Owe you what?” he asked, helping you pack up.

You leaned in close, your lips nearly brushing his ear. “Time. Just us. No interruptions.”

The blush returned full force, spreading from his neck to his ears, and you couldn't help but laugh softly. There was something addictive about making Sieun flustered.

As you walked across campus to meet your friends, your hands occasionally brushed until Sieun finally took the initiative and laced his fingers with yours. It was a small gesture, but knowing how much he disliked public displays of affection, it meant everything to you.

The campus restaurant was crowded when you arrived, but you spotted your friends immediately. Baku was gesturing wildly, telling some story that had Juntae rolling his eyes. Suho noticed you first, waving you guys over. 

“Finally!” Baku exclaimed as you sat down. “We thought you two might have gotten distracted.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“We were studying,” Sieun said simply. “Unlike some people.”

Gotak laughed. “He's got you there, Baku. When's the last time you stepped foot in the library?”

“Libraries are for people who have to read to learn,” Baku said with a big grin, tapping his forehead. “Me? I just stand near smart stuff and it jumps into my brain!”

“Is that why you're failing statistics?” Juntae asked dryly making the whole table laugh,

As your friends fell into their usual banter you noticed how clam Sieun was. This friend group was good for him. Everything felt right. 

“How's the new apartment?” Suho asked Sieun between bites of his lunch.

“It's alright,” Sieun replied with his typical shortness.

You rolled your eyes. “What he means is that it's great but he's still living out of boxes because he refuses to properly unpack.”

“I have a system,” Sieun defended himself.

Sieun had moved into his own place just a month ago, leaving the dormitories for a small studio apartment off-campus. You had helped him move, shocked by how few items he actually owned.

“You should see it,” you told the others. “The only decoration he has is a plant I bought him, which is somehow still alive.”

“It's just a place to sleep,” Sieun shrugged. “I don't need much.”

Baku leaned forward. “So, Y/n, how often do you stay over at this minimalist paradise?”

You kicked him under the table while Sieun suddenly became very interested in his food.

“None of your business, Humin,” you replied sassy.

The truth was, while you had been to Sieun's apartment many times, your relationship had progressed slowly in physical terms. Sieun wasn't one to rush, and you respected his pace. You were fine as long as he was by your side. 

As everyone prepared to leave for afternoon classes, Suho pulled you aside briefly.

“He seems good,” he said quietly, nodding toward Sieun who was arguing with Baku about something. “More settled.”

You smiled, watching your boyfriend's rare animated expressions. “I think he is. You being here is definitely a big reason why”

“It’s not just me. It's because of you too,” Suho continued. “He was always so... contained back then. Even with me. You've given him something the rest of us couldn't.”

“What's that?”

“Permission to be a normal guy,” Suho said simply. “To care about something besides survival.”

Before you could respond, the others joined you, and the moment passed. But Suho's words stayed with you as you and Sieun split from the group to head to your next classes.

“I have to finish a lab report tonight,” Sieun said as you guys reached his next class. “But maybe after…”

“After?” 

He met your eyes, something determined in his gaze. “Maybe you could come over. We could watch that movie you've been talking about.”

You smiled, knowing the invitation was not just to watch a movie, but to spend time together in his personal bubble. “I'd like that.”

For a moment, he stood there, seeming to debate something. He looked around quickly to ensure no one was watching and leaned in to kiss you briefly. Before you could react, he had already pulled away, a flush spreading across his cheekbones.

“I'll text you when I'm done,” he said rushed, then turned and walked into the building, leaving you standing there with a surprised smile.

It was 8:30 when you got the text from Sieun, "Lab done. Come over if you still want to.”

 Pf, of course you still want to. You quickly washed up and headed over to his apartment, giving his door a soft knock. The door opened almost immediately, revealing Sieun in a simple black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. His hair was damp from a recent shower. He looked so handsome. 

“Hi,” you said, suddenly feeling a little nervous without knowing why.

“Come in,” he replied, stepping aside to let you enter.

The apartment was indeed minimalist, just as you'd described to your friends. A bed in one corner, a small seating area with a couch and coffee table, a tv stand with a tv, a cute small kitchen, and a desk with a laptop, the plant you gave him, and neatly arranged textbooks on it. 

But something was a little different. You noticed immediately that he had finally unpacked some of the boxes. A bookshelf now held his small collection of books and a few framed photos, including you in them. One of the two photos with you in them was from the end-of-year festival in high school.

“You unpacked,” you said, unable to keep the surprise from your voice.

Sieun shrugged, but you could tell he was pleased that you'd noticed. “Had some time after finishing the lab report.”

You moved to examine the photos more closely. “I can't believe you kept this,” you said, picking up the festival photo.

“It was a good day,” he said simply, coming to stand beside you.

You remembered it well. A day full of fun. The day had ended with him awkwardly asking if you wanted to “maybe go out sometime,” his confidence completely absent as he stumbled over the words.

Setting the photo down, you turned to face him. “I can put on the movie,” you said picking up his remote and turning on  the TV, “but I'm also fine with just talking if you're tired.”

“I’m good with the movie,” he replied, “I made food. Nothing fancy, just ramen.”

“Fancy ramen or instant?” you asked with a smile.

“Somewhere in between.” He gestured to two bowls on the coffee table, steam still rising from them. You noticed he'd added eggs, green onions, and a few other ingredients to elevate the simple dish.

After putting the movie on you settled onto the small couch suddenly aware of how intimate the space felt. You had been here before, but something about tonight felt different. Sieun joined you on the couch, sitting close enough that your shoulders touched. 

For the first twenty minutes, you both ate and watched in comfortable silence but as the main characters in the film shared their first kiss, you became hyperaware of Sieun sitting beside you.

Setting your empty bowl aside, you casually leaned into him. After a brief moment of tension, he lifted his arm and placed it around your shoulders, allowing you to rest against his chest. You could hear his heartbeat, slightly faster than normal.

“Is this okay?” you asked softly, tilting your head to look up at him.

Instead of answering, he surprised you by leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was gentle but lingered longer than his usual hesitant kisses. When he pulled back, his eyes were dark with an emotion you rarely saw him display.

“More than okay,” he finally answered, voice slightly rough.

You reached up to touch his face, tracing the line of his jaw with your fingertips. He remained perfectly still under your touch, watching you with an intensity that made your heart race.

“I've been thinking,” you said softly, “about us.”

“What about us?” His voice was quiet.

“About how far we've come. From that day in the alley to here.” You continued tracing patterns on his skin, moving to his neck where you could feel his pulse jumping beneath your touch. “You used to flinch when I got too close.”

A ghost of a smile touched his lips. “I wasn't used to it.”

“And now?” you asked.

Instead of answering with words, he kissed you again, deeper this time, his hand moving to the small of your back to pull you closer. The movie continued playing but it was completely forgotten as you lost yourself with Sieun's lips against yours.

When you finally broke apart you couldn't help but smile at the cute look on his face.

“I'm still not used to it,” he admitted quietly. “But in a different way now.”

“Explain,” you encouraged, your hand now resting on his chest.

Sieun took a moment to gather his thoughts, “Before, it was unfamiliar. A little uncomfortable. Now it's unfamiliar because it feels too good. Like I don't deserve it.”

Your heart ached at his words. Despite all your time together, parts of his past still haunted him.

“You deserve every good thing, Sieun,” you said firmly, taking his face in both hands so he couldn't look away. “Every single one.”

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours. “I'm trying to believe that.”

“Let me help you believe,” you whispered, and kissed him again.

The kiss deepened quickly, a year of careful restraint giving way to something more urgent. Sieun's arms tightened around you, pulling you practically onto his lap as his lips moved from your mouth to your jaw, then your neck, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

His usual composure was slipping, and you reveled in it, your hands sliding under his t-shirt to touch the warm skin beneath. You felt his muscles tense at the contact, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he made a low sound in the back of his throat that sent heat flooding through your body.

“Sieun,” you breathed, needing to hear his response, to know he wanted this as much as you did.

“I'm here,” he mumbled against your skin, then pulled back slightly to meet your gaze. “I'm always here with you.”

Something about those simple words, the sincerity behind them, made your heart swell. This was Sieun. He was a man of few words but had deep feelings. He expressed himself through actions rather than speech. You loved him.

Slowly you moved to straddle his lap, careful to make sure he was comfortable with your weight on him. Your eyes never left him to ensure this was okay. His hands settled on your waist, his breathing was noticeably uneven now.

“Is this too much?” you asked, knowing his boundaries had always been important to respect.

He shook his head, but still looked slightly overwhelmed. “Just give me a moment.”

You stayed still, watching the emotions play across his face. His hands tightened on your waist, then relaxed again.

“I've wanted this,” he admitted softly, the confession clearly difficult for him. “For a long time.”

“Me too,” you whispered, leaning forward to press your forehead against his again. “We can go as slow as you need.”

A small smile pulled at his lips. “We've been going slow for years.”

The observation, so accurate and yet so unexpected coming from him, made you laugh. “True. But that's okay.”

His smile widened slightly, and in that moment, he looked younger, lighter, and unburdened by the weight he always carried. You vowed to yourself to make him smile like that more often.

Sieun's hands moved from your waist to your back, pulling you closer until your chests pressed together. “Maybe,” he said, voice low, “we could go a little faster now.”

Your breath caught at his words. “I'd like that.”

Siuen grabbed your hand and dragged you towards his bed. He gently pushed you down on the bed and followed you down. He captured your lips once again and you sighed into the kiss. Your hands found their way under his shirt and traced his stomach. Sieun shivered at your touch. 

You tugged at the hem of his shirt and he understood, pulling his shirt over his head. The sight of him shirtless wasn't new to you. You had seen him like this before but the context was different now. It was more intimate. Your eyes traced his chest, faint scars littered all around, reminders from his past.

 Sieun watched you look at his chest, heat rising to his cheeks. “Your turn,” he said softly, his fingers playing with the edge of your top.

You sat up, allowing him to remove your shirt. His eyes darkened as he took in the sight of you in your bra. His hand came up to trace your face all the way down to the curve of your cup. His hand found the clasp of your bra and hesitated for just a moment until you nodded.  He unfastened your bra, the straps sliding down your arms.

Your chest was bare in front of him and your nipples hardened when the cool air touched them. Sieun reached to touch your breast, gently gliding his hand against them. You couldn't help but shiver at the contact, your body responding to his exploring hands. 

“You're beautiful,” he whispered. 

You reached up to touch his face, drawing him back to your lips. The kiss deepened as his hand continued to caress your breast, thumb brushing over your nipple and pulling a soft moan from your throat. The sound seemed to embolden him, his movements becoming more confident.

Sieun broke the kiss and moved his head down towards your left breast. He looked up at you, making eye contact before kissing your nipple then sucking it into his mouth. 

The pleasure that crashed through you was immediate and intense. Your back arched slightly, pressing your breast further into his mouth. Sieun's free hand moved to your other breast, thumbing over your nipple as his tongue swirled around your other nipple.

“Sieun,” you gasped, your fingers threading through his dark hair, holding him to you.

His mouth moved to your right breast, giving it the same attention while his hand replaced his mouth on the left. 

Sieun pulled back and thumbed at your nipples to make up for his mouth moving away. He was breathing hard and his eyes were full of lust. Sieun kissed your nipples one more time before his hands moved to your waist, his fingers tracing the waistband of your pants.

 “Can I?” he asked.

“Yes,” you breathed, lifting your hips to help as he carefully slid your pants down your legs, leaving you in just your underwear.

Sieun took a moment to look at you, his eyes traveling over your body with such intensity that you could almost feel it like a physical touch.

“Your turn,” you said with a small smile, copying his earlier words. 

He removed his sweatpants, leaving both of you in just your underwear. The sight of him nearly took your breath away. His erection was evident and you could see a tiny bit of pre-cum seeping through his boxers. 

“Sieun.” 

“Hm?”

“I want your fingers so bad.” You said while grabbing his hand and placing it to where you needed him the most. 

Sieun leaned in to kiss you. His hand slipped beneath your underwear and you gasped against his mouth as his fingers found you wet and waiting.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his movements slow and careful.

“More than okay,” you assured him while you guided his hand to your core. 

Sieun was a quick learner. He watched your reactions carefully, noting what made your breath hitch, what made you moan. When he finally found your clit a moan was ripped out of you. “Fuck Sieun! Right there! Keep going.” 

Sieun nodded, feeling emboldened by your response he grew more confident in his movements. He rubbed your swollen clit a bit faster and harder, making you squirm more and more. He lowered his head to your breast, lips closing around your nipple as his fingers worked between your legs. The dual sensation had you moaning his name, your hands tangling in his hair.

Siuen pulled off your breast and moved his fingers down towards your hole, circling your entrance. “Tell me what feels good,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving your face as he kept circling your entrance.

“Everything you're doing,” you breathed, gasping when he slowly slid a finger inside you. “Oh Sieun��”

He added another finger, stretching you gently as his thumb continued to work your sensitive bud. The dual sensation had you moaning beneath him, your hands clutching his shoulder. 

“Sieun. Baby,” you gasped, “I'm close.”

“I got you,” he murmured against your skin. The tenderness in his voice combined with the movement of his fingers sent you over the edge. Your body shuddered as waves of pleasure washed over you with Sieun's name spelling out your lips. 

As you came down from your high, you opened your eyes to find him watching you with a mix of awe and satisfaction. “Did I do good?” 

You smiled lazily up at him, getting cuteness aggression from him wanting approval. “Of course you did, baby.” 

You then reached for him, wanting to bring him the same pleasure he'd given you. Your hand slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers, wrapping around his cock. Sieun's breath hitched, his eyes closing briefly at your touch.

“You’re so hard, baby. Did you get turned on making me feel good?” 

Sieun just nodded. 

You smirked, and guided him onto his back. You removed his boxers then straddled his thighs before stroking him again. His eyes never left yours as you stroked him, learning what he liked by the subtle changes in his expression, the way his breath caught, the tension in his muscles. 

You pulled your hand away making Sieun whine. He quickly shut up when you leaned down and kissed his tip. You licked from his tip to his base, then backwards, teasing him before finally taking him in your mouth fully.

Sieun's head fell back against the pillow, a low groan escaping his throat. His hands hesitantly moved to your hair, not pushing or guiding, just connecting with you as you sucked him off. The sounds of soft gasps and quiet moans encouraged you to continue, taking him deeper.

“Y/n,” he breathed, his voice ragged. “That feels...ah. So good.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, the vibration making him tense beneath you. His breathing grew more erratic as you continued. It was intoxicating to see him like this. 

After a few minutes, his hand tightened slightly in your hair. “Wait,” he gasped. “I'm close. I’m going to-”

You pulled back, wiping your mouth as you looked up at him. “Sorry. I want you to cum inside of me.”

Sieun’s eyes widened but he nodded, complying with anything you said. You pulled him in a heated kiss. “I’m going to ride you.. With no condom, okay?” You whispered against his lips.

“Okay.” Sieun agreed, straightening himself against the headboard. 

You positioned yourself above him and lowered yourself slowly until you were stuffed with his cock. Both of you gasped at the sensation. You stayed still for a moment to adjust. Sieun's hands gripped your hips, his eyes locked on yours.

“You okay?” he asked, always concerned for your comfort even in his own pleasure.

“Perfect. You?” 

“Good but, fuck. You’re so tight.”

You giggled before moving your hips up a little, careful not to pull off of him, then slammed back down his cock. The both of you moaned, Sieun moving his head into the crook of your neck. 

You again started to slowly go up and down, Sieun was still hiding his face on your neck. He was biting his lips, trying to keep himself from moaning too loud. You were so tight around him, he thought he was going to die as you continued your motion on his cock.

You started to get a bit winded and Sieun noticed. Sieun surprisingly rolled you guys over and took charge, pushing into you softly. You both were close, desperation evident from the way you were whining and on the way he was sloppily rubbing your clit while thrusting. 

“Sieun, I’m close. Please. Let’s cum together.” 

Siuen nodded and sped up his hips, his thrusts becoming even more desperate as he chased both your pleasure and his own. His fingers worked faster against your clit, his movements becoming more pleasurable with each of your soft moans.

Sieun nodded and sped up his hips, his thrusts becoming more desperate as he chased both your pleasure and his own. His fingers worked against your clit with renewed determination, his movements becoming more confident with each of your soft moans.

“Y/n,” he gasped, his voice strained. “I can't hold on much longer.”

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside you. “Then don't,” you said, your hands gripping his shoulders. “Let go, baby.”

His rhythm faltered as he drove into you one last time, burying himself deep. You felt him pulse inside you as he came, the sensation triggering your own release. Your walls clenched around him as waves of pleasure washed over you both. Sieun's mouth found yours in a messy, passionate kiss that swallowed your cries of pleasure.

For a moment, you stayed locked together, hearts racing, bodies trembling with aftershocks. Sieun's forehead rested against yours, his breathing gradually slowing as he came down from his high. When he finally opened his eyes, they were filled with such tenderness that it made your heart ache.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. 

You smiled, still feeling the pleasant hum of satisfaction throughout your body. “More than okay.”

He made and a move to pull out of you but you wrapped your legs tighter around him. “No stay.” 

Sieun laughed a little, “Y/n I need to clean you up. My cum is still inside you.”

You pouted, “I don’t care.”

“You’ll care when we’re getting plan b from the pharmacy,” Sieun joked. 

You punched his arm jokingly while laughing, “Stop. I’m on the pill anyways.” 

Sieun visibly relaxed at your words, a small smile playing on his lips. “Still I need to clean us up.” 

He carefully pulled out of you and rolled you to face him. His arm draped over your waist, keeping you close as his dark eyes studied your face. 

“I love you.” He said it so quietly you almost missed it. 

Your heart skipped a beat. Those three words. He'd never said them before even though you’d known how he felt for a long time. Sieun showed his feelings through actions, not words, but hearing it spoken aloud made tears well in your eyes.

You tilted your head up to look at him. “I love you too. So much.” You pressed a sweet kiss to his chin “And I am so happy.” 

You laid your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. His fingers traced lazy patterns on your back, occasionally stopping to press a kiss to your forehead.

“Stay the night?” he asked after a while, his voice hopeful.

“Obviously.” You replied, content.

────୨ৎ────

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to message me and request stuff! I havent written in forever but WHC woke me up from the dead. <3

[sophrosyncc]

— can't stop thinking of you !

warnings/tags : SFW, yearning, gender-neutral reader, 3.2 exploration spoilers (memory fragment)

author's note : was feeling very romantic so I quickly whipped up something for our amphoreus professor. huge thanks to my pillow who helped me imagine the scenes better

art credits : official commission from honkai: star rail by the artist luminos!

word count : 652

when you called anaxa dear for the first time, you didn't even notice how naturally it slipped out of your tongue.

it was another night of lounging in his private laboratory, relaxing on the couch he recently moved there to host guests, a weak excuse to hide that it was only for you. the two of you were far too used to this routine, staying in each other's personal spaces like it was second nature, drawn to his presence like he was with you.

magnets. a word hyacine often used to describe the two of you.

you think it fits well.

"so, who was chasing you this time?" you question, threading your fingers through his hair. it brought a feeling of contentment to see anaxa relax on your lap. a rare moment of peace in his hectic and fast-paced life, a direct contrast to yours. "fools? guards from the council of elders?"

the sage and founder of the nousporists wasn't someone the majority would consider normal. a heretic, fool, blasphemous scholar— these were all variations of multiple titles the public call him. even his most dedicated students couldn't keep up with every bad mouthed nickname bestowed upon their professor.

ten? fifty? one hundred?

none of you knew the answer to that, including the man himself. someone who didn't even care about such trivial matters in the first place.

anaxa sighs. "fools," he dryly replies, tilting his head to further lean into your touch. you resist the urge to coo or compare him to a cat silently asking for more affection. "they wanted to publicly execute me this time. I had to bring my lecture to dawncloud instead."

"dawncloud?" your eyebrows raise in surprise.

that was very far from the grove of epiphany. too far. it would take a day to get there on foot.

the place was all the way in okhema where aglaea and castorice were stationed, constantly monitored by the golden threads he disliked so much. not to mention, a good amount of people there openly shared their distaste about him. how much of a disturbance were they that even his 'teaching tool' couldn't scare them off?

without knowing it, you stop rubbing his scalp, lost in thought.

anaxa opens his eye. he peers up at you questioningly, wondering why you suddenly stopped. until he sees that familiar dip between your eyebrows, lips pursed into a thin line, a tinge of barely hidden concern written all over your face.

he nudges your hand with his head.

you don't budge.

he tries it again.

nothing happens.

a quiet grumble leaves his lips.

"why did you stop?" he finally asks, snapping you out of your own bubble of thought. "there's no need to worry about me. the chances of ica reaching apotheosis are far more greater than the success of their threats."

you blink.

hyacine's pegasus turning into a titan?

with a soft laugh, you continue combing his hair. "...that's ridiculous."

"it worked, didn't it?" anaxa smoothly responds. he inclines his head back, sighing as your fingers make their way down to his nape, lightly scratching his skin. even with his eyepatch covering half of his face, you could see the slightest of smiles from the corner of his lip.

for all the nonchalance he seemed to carry with him in front of other people, he didn't hesitate to lower his guard around you.

the same feeling of warmth settled in your chest again, content to stay like this forever.

you lean down. pressing your forehead against his, breathing in the familiar smell that belonged to him, you whisper. "thank you, dear."

he pauses, followed by a sharp exhale. "...it's nothing."

pulling away, you take the time in the peaceful moment to admire him. when you brush the strands of hair away from his forehead to get a clearer view, your heart skips a beat at the sight.

his ears were red.

[enwoso]

weight of the world | part four

alessia russo x baby!reader (last part of this little mini series!)

-> based on this request | some upsetting themes throughout so read with caution

grumpy masterlist | part three here

it had been a couple of weeks since alessia had made the jump and called the line on the piece of paper which her mum had left on her fridge and they'd been helping, more than alessia maybe realised.

after each session, she felt lighter. like she didn't have the world on her shoulders afterwards.

"i don't think i ever gave myself permission to not cope," alessia said, her voice low, fingers knotting tightly in her lap. "it was like... the second i admitted i was struggling, i'd lose everything. lose control. or worse—lose her."

alessia's throat ached as she said it, like even speaking the fear aloud might make it real.

dr. finch or morgan as alessia learned to find out after their first couple of sessions. morgan didn't rush alessia. she never did. she just nodded gently, legs crossed, her pen still. listening.

"so you became everything for everyone," morgan said after a pause.

alessia nodded, blinking fast. "yeah."

alessia rubbed at the skin on her wrist, the words coming harder now. "i kept thinking... if i just did everything right—fed her at the right time, rocked her the right way, got back to training fast, kept my head down—then no one would question me. no one would think i couldn't handle it. because if someone thought that... then maybe they'd think i wasn't fit to be her mum."

morgan's voice was soft but unflinching. "that is a heavy burden. to be everything. all the time."

alessia laughed bitterly, wiping under her eye. "didn't feel like i had a choice."

"and what about now?" morgan asked gently. alessia sat with that question for a long moment, staring at the window, at the strip of sky just visible behind the blinds.

"i-i'm... learning," alessia said finally. "to share the load. a bit. my mum, ella, the team... they've stepped up. they've been kind."

a beat.

"and i'm starting to believe they'll stay. even if i'm not perfect."

morgan nodded slowly. "that's good, alessia. that is really good." a longer pause stretched between them before morgan spoke again—careful, measured. "can i ask something about y/n's father?"

alessia's jaw clenched. her shoulders stiffened slightly. "he's not in the picture," alessia said quickly, automatically—like she'd practiced the line a hundred times.

"i see," morgan said gently. "would you be open to sharing how that's felt for you? being left to carry this on your own?"

alessia didn't answer right away. her eyes glossed over. then: "i didn't plan to be a single mum. i didn't plan any of it."

alessia let out a long breath that trembled at the edges. "he said he wasn't ready. and i told him i wasn't either but i had this connection with her so i told him that i could do it without him if i had to. i wasn't giving up my baby. and i meant it." alessia swallowed hard.

"but there's a difference between doing it alone because you choose to... and doing it alone because you're left with no other option."

silence again, thick and aching.

"and the worst part?" alessia added, voice cracking. "sometimes i still catch myself missing him. not being with him but—just... the idea. of not being alone at 3am with a crying baby and a pounding headache. of someone else washing the bottles. of someone else looking at her and seeing me."

alessia's lips trembled. "and then i hate myself for that. because i do have people. i have my mum. i have ella. the girls. but it's not the same. and i feel selfish for even saying that."

"it's not selfish," morgan said softly. "it's you being honest. wanting help—wanting softness, support, safety—that's human, alessia. that's not weakness."

alessia let her head fall forward slightly, chin trembling, eyes closed. "it just gets so loud in my head sometimes," alessia whispered. "and i think, what if i ruin her? what if she grows up and sees how lost i was? what if she hates me for that?"

"she won't," morgan said calmly, but firmly. "you are showing her something so incredibly powerful—what it looks like to be brave and broken and still present. you're showing your little girl what it means to fight for your healing. that matters."

alessia didn't say anything for a long time. then she nodded, one tear sliding down her cheek. and whispered, "i want to be better for her."

"you're already becoming that," morgan said gently. "one step at a time."

⸻

the sun was already slipping through the sheer curtains when alessia woke, her body still curled protectively around your little body, as you were nestled against your mummy's chest, asleep with your fist tucked under her chin. your breath was soft and even, and for a moment, alessia just lay there, watching you.

"hey, my little love," alessia whispered with a small, tired smile. "we did it. another night."

you stirred but didn't wake. alessia pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and let her eyes drift to the window. the morning light filtered in, warm and gold. the kind that made things feel gentler. softer.

alessia stood slowly, carefully, and padded into the kitchen with you still in her arms. the whiteboard calendar her mum had left was now full—training days, therapy sessions, checkups, even a coffee date with ella scribbled in pink marker. it made her feel like her life had shape again. a purpose again.

the kitchen smelled like toast and the radio played softly. there were now signs of life everywhere now—a new plant on the windowsill, baby socks drying on the radiator, alessia's training boots by the door. the kind of mess that meant people lived here. tried. laughed. started again.

ella had started picking her up on tuesdays and thursdays. a quiet routine that never needed to be spoken aloud.

alessia strapped you into your bouncer with a kiss to your forehead, then laced up her shoes up. her training schedule was light still—modified drills, rehab, nothing too intense—but it felt good to be back. good to sweat. to her body belong to her again, even in fragments.

"you know," alessia murmured, brushing a hand down your leg, "i thought i'd break. i really did."

you cooed up at her, wide-eyed and curious. "but we're still here, aren't we?" alessia smiled, the kind that reached her eyes now—tentative, but real. "and i'm not perfect. god, not even close. but i'm trying."

then alessia's phone buzzed on the counter. a message from ella.

tooney | ‘you still on for a light session today at the ground? i've got snacks. and tooney hugs for my fave little russo.’

alessia laughed under her breath and typed back:

less | ‘wouldn't miss it. save me a banana bar.’

—

later that day, at carrington, alessia stood on the edge of the pitch, nerves buzzing beneath her skin. she was still on an individual programme—short sprints, ball control, bodyweight strength.

the team were doing full drills on the other side of the pitch, but she didn't feel separate anymore. just... finding her way back.

you were in the dugout dressed in warm clothes to match the coolness of the air that swarmed manchester, tucked safely in ella's arms, surrounded by a rotating cast of teammates who doted on you like she was the team mascot.

"look at that face," mary grinned, making ridiculous noises to earn a gurgling laugh from you.

"she's our lucky charm," leah galton said, gently fixing your little bobble hat so that it didn’t cover you big blue eyes.

alessia glanced over and smiled, heart full. the sight was surreal. her daughter—her daughter—being passed between some of the best players in the world, held like something precious. like something that belonged.

as alessia powered through her final sprint, lungs burning, legs screaming, she heard it: cheers.

"go mummy! go mummy!" ella started to chant as she lifted you in the air with your arms as little smiles came from you

"go on lessi!"

"smash it, mama!"

alessia reached the final cone, doubled over with a laugh and a breathless sob tangled together. ella jogged over, still holding you. "you alright?"

alessia looked up, eyes bright. "yeah," alessia panted. "actually... yeah. i think i am."

you babbled and kicked your feet like you understood exactly what was going on. ella grinned. "told you. you've got this."

alessia reached out and took you in her arms, sweat-slicked and flushed with effort. alessia kissed your forehead, breathing in the soft scent of baby shampoo and something sweeter—something like hope.

as healing wasn't about bouncing back straight away like a bouncy ball. it wasn't linear. it was showing up, again and again, even when it hurt. it was letting yourself be seen. letting others help carry you across the line.

and as the sun dipped low over the training ground, alessia russo—mother, footballer, fighter—held her baby in her arms and smiled like maybe, just maybe, she believed it now too.

alessia wasn't fixed. but she was standing. and that was enough.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey sex witch,

i am so sorry in advance if this is a question you don’t/would not know how to answer. i’ll absolutely take it somewhere else if that’s the right thing to do. but to get to the point - i’m 19 and i just finished my freshman year of college. i lived in a triple this year, and i haven’t shared a room with people very often. for some reason, at some point, i gained this misconception that it was okay to masturbate in the same room as someone else if that person was asleep. writing that out, i really want to reiterate that i have no fucking clue why i thought that was okay in the moment. if i had to guess, i think i just had read something where a roommate did that and internalized it as normal behavior for some reason. not to excuse it - just to give some backstory as to what happened & why. so, yeah. that’s what i did, one night back in the fall. but within the next day i saw a post online where someone mentioned that their roommate did that & did internalize that what i did was fucked. so i never did that again, but i also didn’t tell my roommates because i thought that it would just make things worse, and just avoided talking to them because of what i did. and now i’ve moved out. and i guess what i’m trying to say here is - is the right move in this situation to tell them? my gut says absolutely not, but it felt like the wrong thing to just let them go on thinking i hadn’t done that. i really did like my roommates, and they didn’t deserve that. i thought my actions were an act of just being polite, making sure i was doing it at a time when they wouldn’t be bothered. but i do understand, obviously, that it was fucked up and i shouldn’t have. i just want to make things right, or at least as right as they can be. sorry for the essay, and i really appreciate any advice you can give me.

hey anon.

just to start out: no, you absolutely don't need to tell your roommates about jacking off while they were asleep. that's not going to add anything of value to their lives. this isn't a catholic church; we don't have to do confession.

I also think you're being, like, way too hard on yourself here. this isn't even in the top 20 worst roommate crimes I've ever heard; I feel like its somewhere worse than "leaving toothpaste blobs in the sink" but well below "knowing stealing roommates' food." you made a freshman roommate 101-level misstep, no one said anything, and you're not going to do it again. move on.

[chaoticly-shy-dragon]

Depending on what you've read, the Jedi Order can be seen differently - are they a religious order: yes, but also not exactly to a point; they acknowledge other religious practices and some of their members do follow certain practices of such religions - Luminaria and Barriss are an example.

I digress. I don't think Anidala was inherently toxic or selfish or all the other adjectives used negatively. Is it 100% healthy? Probably not - most relationships are not - relationships are complicated and messy because ding-ding-ding they are built on emotions. Something Anakin doesn't have the greatest grasp of.

Are the Jedi practices suppressing emotions as a whole? No. They preach about control and understanding of them - to be dealt with the way they have been taught since toddlers. Do all Jedi understand that - no - again they are people, they are fallible.

Anakin was groomed since he was a child by a Sith Lord who wanted to alienate him from the Order. His master at the beginning of his apprenticeship was a grieving 25 years old who took in a traumatized ex-slave. Mistakes were made and Sidious took advantage of that.

Anakin and Padmè's relationship was as real as any other romantic relationship - they loved each other and yet they knew when their responsibilities called for them at the same time. Did they sometimes prioritize the other over the "greater good"? Yes, they both did. And that's okay? Being in their relationship meant that they had to weigh the question of "am I willing to lose them or this?" a lot.

The source of all tragedy is that Anakin was so blinded by fear (in rots he was crushed by the responsibilities and all the roles he had to play) that that question already had an answer without him even knowing it was losing both.

The whole star wars story is centered around love and connections. (But yes. It's mostly about Anakin and his family.) Relationships and their importance to everyone and the galaxy as well.

It's a story of how love and friendship crushed imperialism under their boot and had a party over its ashes.

The people who go on about how Anidala is supposedly greedy and selfish don’t seem to grasp that maybe a massive religious group that has the backing of the government who expects you to dedicate your life to only that religious organization and that government while not really letting you have a life outside of that is actually even more greedy and selfish? I have more of a problem with the religious group who believes that they have exclusive rights to babies with special abilities over a couple who just wanted to be together because they are in love.

[tinyraptorhands]

Pro Hero, Pro Mama, No Problem pt. 9

The calm bubbling of your kettle and the soft hum of a lullaby from Katsumi's mobile were the only sounds in the apartment.

Izuku had come as quick as he had heard your whimpered 'help' on the phone.

He found you in the nursery-Katsumi sleeping on your breast, you looking numb and red-eyed as you sat on the carpeted floor.

He had helped you get up, ignoring your state of undress.

He only looked at the hole in the door once.

Once was enough to understand.

"Kacchan?" He asked softly.

"...Yeah." you said hoarsely as you covered yourself, setting Katsumi in the crib.

He nodded.

And here you were. Sitting on your clothes covered couch, Izuku boiling tea in your and Katsuki's kitchen.

Katsuki loves the kitchen. It was one of the deciding factors for the apartment. He kept touching the marble island, and even ran his hands over the knobs of the stainless steel stove.

You remembered that secret smile he had when he met your eyes.

The very same stove Izuku now was using to boil you some chamomile tea.

"...Was it bad?" He asked softly.

You swallowed. "...I don't...I don't know what made him so mad. He came in, guns blazing. Like he was just...on the prowl." You said, rubbing your eyes. You leaned back.

He was silent. "...Kacchan's...been having a rough time, I think."

You looked over the couch at him. Izuku held up his hands. "Not that it excuses him from what he did-" he was quick to clarify. "...But I guess...he was like a pot ready to boil over."

The tea kettle began to whistle, but Izuku was quick to shut it off, setting it on a potholder.

You looked away. "...I don't think I was ever afraid of him before. But then...?" You tucked your knees to your chest. "...I think I was afraid of him. Of...what he could do." You felt a nervous burn in your stomach. What did admitting that mean?

Izuku was silent. Instead, he walked over with a mug of tea.

It was one of Katsuki's favorite mugs. Wide rimmed, thick porcelain. The handle was sturdy and fat. Matte black, with a few painted spider lillies on it.

When he got it, you told him how spider lillies were a death marker in anime. He rolled his eyes and called you an Otaku.

You had laughed. He just gave you one of his small, barely there smiles.

That seemed like so long ago. Now the mug seemed so heavy. You took a sip.

Warmth spread down your chest, and through your stomach. Comforting, but it didn't soothe your nerves. You stared into the amber liquid.

"What do you want to do?"

You looked up. Izuku was sitting across from you, his elbows resting on his knees, hands steepled. You looked back down.

"What...do I do?" You asked quietly, hesitantly. Your fingers wrapped around the mug securely.

Izuku sighed. "...I can check on him now. See where he is?"

You shook your head. "And then what? Tell him you're here?" You gave him a look.

Izuku frowned. "Kacchan's not that bad with me. Not like he used to be." He said. "I think he's one of the few people he'd let come near you like....this." he said softly, scratching his cheek.

You knew that.

"...Okay." you said quietly.

Izuku got up from the couch, and withdrew his phone. You watched as he left the room, and now you were alone.

What did one do when something like this happened? Were you too dramatic? Too mean?

No, he blew a damn hole through the nursery door!

And even if he was so...angry, why didn't he just talk it out?

Right. This was Katsuki.

Mr. Emotionally constipated.

Sure, he had gotten better since high school. He was calmer.

But in a way, so was his rage. He bottled it up more, instead of being outright flippant.

You had told him in recent times it was okay to vent.

But this went beyond venting. This was crashing out. You found yourself with a lump in your throat.

Were you in any position to talk to him? You were going through it, too.

Truth was, you both needed help.

You set the mug down. Izuku came back in, socked feet barely making a sound. "Katsuki wouldn't answer his phone."

"Kirishima?" You thought if he went to anyone...

"Yeah, I called him, too. He said he's gonna check the agency."

You nodded. It was all you could do.

Katsuki watched as his phone lit up, vibrating on his desk.

What had he done?

Why had he done it? God, he was just so, so tired.

He knew you had days like this. Days you couldn't function on several things at a time. He knew that.

But for some reason, it just made him mad.

Why couldn't you just...force yourself to do shit?

He ran a hand through his hair, leaning back on the pleather office chair. It creaked loudly, making him cringe.

The look in your eyes when he lost control.

He didn't understand it himself.

All he heard was that he was an absent father-and something in him snapped.

He didn't mean it.

God, he didn't mean it.

He was supposed to be a protector.

All he felt like was a villain.

He hated it. It wasn't him. It was the him he thought he left behind ages ago.

Maybe it never left him. Maybe it was just buried deep inside his heart, and just waiting to come out at the worst time.

It all added up.

The shitty shifts. The stupid sidekick. The paperwork. Worrying about the baby, and you...

He heard the door open. "Thought I'd find you here."

Kirishima came in. He held two bags up, his signature grin.

Wacdonalds.

"I know you say you hate it but-"

"Not hungry." He said, sounding quiet.

Small. Defeated.

Kirishima tossed the greasy bag on the desk, opening his own. "So, you say that. But really, food fixes everything. But it's gotta be the shitty kind. The kind," he held up a giant dripping burger- "that just by looking at it, you can feel your arteries harden." He took a big bite. Katsuki didn't look up.

"Why are you here?'' Katsuki asked. Kirishima swallowed his bite.

"Well...Midoriya called-"

A scoff. "Of course he did." Katsuki said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Why the hell did she call him?" He said to himself. Kirishima sighed.

"Talk to me, Bakugo." He said, putting his burger down. "I heard a small bit."

"Then you heard enough."

"Bakugo."

Katsuki leaned his head back again. "...I just....there was so much and I..." he looked down at his hands. "I fucked up. I know that. I did something that could've been so, so much worse but..." he trailed off. Kirishima leaned on the couch opposite the desk.

"So what were you really mad at?"

"Thats just it. Everything!" Katsuki threw his hands up. "I thought-dammit I thought I was past this! The stupid, angry little bastard that shut everyone out and thought he was better than everyone!" He felt his hands crackle. "I was mean, Kirishima. I was a royal bastard! To my wife! I told my kid to shut up! I called (y/n) an incompetent fat ass! And she's anything but!"

Kirishima was silent, just letting him vent. Katsuki looked at him, his eyes wide with fear and frustration. "And now, now I'm wondering if I fucked it all up! My marriage! My kid! All because I let things get to me! I'm...I'm supposed to be better than this...!" He looked at a photo on his desk. It was of you and him on your wedding day. Another smaller Polaroid was taped to the corner of Katsumi, a few days old. He swallowed. "I'm...supposed to be a good father. A good husband." He leaned back, and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He groaned. "And all I can think of is how I'm probably like Half and Half's dad, that stupid old man..." The blonde muttered.

"Hey, now. A bad day doesn't make you a terrible person." Kirishima said quickly.

"...Feels like it." Katsuki said quietly.

There was a beat of silence.

Then, "alright. Let's go." Kirishima said, slapping his thighs as he got up.

"Go?" Katsuki looked over at him. "Go where, Shitty Hair?"

"Let's spar." Kirishima was already out of the office, walking down the hall. "Let me call Todoroki. His agency has a gym for this kind of thing."

"Oi," Katsuki trailed up behind him. "Don't involve Icy Hot-"

"M'not gonna say why. Just that we need to let of steam. You know he doesn't ask questions. He's cool like that, no pun intended." Kirishima took out his phone as he walked, hitting his contacts.

Katsuki huffed. "This is stupid."

"No it isn't!" The red head said in a sing-song voice. He held up the phone to his ear. "Hey, Todoroki! Got a sec?"

[justchillgurl]

Chapter 2: Smoking Mirrors.

Summary: Geum Seong-je isn’t one to care about school politics, but something about her—the girl with the chessboard smile and debt-tracked hands—gets under his skin. From hallway glimpses to quiet observation, he begins to unthread her method. Not to expose her. Just to see if she ever slips.

He doesn’t think she will. That’s what makes it interesting.

Warnings: none (not yet at least.) just seongje smoking.

Author's note: I'm not really confident about those chapters, feel free to give your feedback. English is not my first language, please don't hesitate to point out any mistakes. Thank you🫶🏼

The lighter clicked once. Twice. Flame hissed, flickered, and died against the afternoon wind.

Seong-je exhaled through his teeth, dug the lighter deeper into his palm, and tried again. On the third attempt, it caught. The tip of the cigarette burned soft orange as he leaned back against the cracked brick wall outside the east stairwell, smoke curling lazily around his face.

He wasn’t supposed to be out here. Not technically.

But that was the whole point.

Classes were still in session. The school felt hollow in this part of the building—too far from the teachers’ offices, too quiet for anyone to bother checking. A graveyard for rusted lockers and long-forgotten announcements. Seong-je liked it here. It was predictable in its neglect.

His phone buzzed.

Seong-Mok: u gonna show up today or what?

He locked the screen without answering.

Seong-je didn’t skip class because he had better things to do. He skipped because nothing in that building made him feel awake. He’d already figured out which teachers didn’t bother calling names, which students kept their heads down, and which staff gave up trying to correct him.

He existed at the edge of Kanghak High’s awareness. Not low enough to worry about. Not loud enough to deal with.

Except now there was her.

He’d been watching her longer than he liked to admit.

It started in the convenience store. The way she measured every action, every word, like she was scoring a game only she understood. She didn’t seek attention, but it followed her anyway—hovering around her sharp shoulders and immovable stare.

He didn’t care about rumors, but even he’d heard things.

She was the one with the notes. The blog. The connections. She never raised her voice. Never smiled for no reason. And never helped without a trade.

A few days after their non-meeting, he saw her again.

She was sitting in the back corner of the library, laptop open, typing fast and without pause. Her phone buzzed three times—she ignored it. Her bag sat on the floor, half unzipped, with a folder of printed sheets sticking out like pressed wings.

He didn’t move. Didn’t interrupt.

He just watched.

The next day, she was walking across the courtyard, head tilted as someone tried desperately to gain her approval. Seong-je could tell. The body language was all there—hands fidgeting, voice too eager, laugh a little too loud. She listened with that same neutral expression, nodding only once before slipping a folded note into the person’s hand.

Transaction complete.

He lit another cigarette.

He didn’t want to interact. Not yet. That wasn’t how you watched people like her. You didn’t start by talking. You started by observing—finding the cracks. The inconsistencies. The rules she followed and when she bent them.

He already knew some of them.

She refused requests that weren’t worth her time. She wore earbuds in crowded spaces—not because she liked music, but because it gave her an excuse not to engage.

She smiled differently depending on who was talking.

To teachers: soft, respectful.

To classmates: polite, measured.

To those beneath her ranking system: almost invisible.

There was a system. He was sure of it.

And it intrigued the hell out of him.

One afternoon, he caught a sliver of her voice near the back staircase. Someone was begging—literally—for help on a scholarship essay. She didn’t yell. She didn’t even sound annoyed.

“Do you really think my notes are free?” she said calmly.

“No, no—I’ll pay. I’ll do anything, I swear.”

“I don’t want desperation. I want results. I want return.”

There was a long pause. Then:

“Make me a deal that makes sense. Otherwise, don’t waste my time.”

She walked off. Her steps echoed sharp and fast.

She didn’t glance at Seong-je as she passed.

But he noticed her thumb flick across her phone screen the moment she turned the corner. Probably logging the encounter. Updating a name. Moving pieces.

He tossed the cigarette butt into a gutter and kicked the edge of a bench.

The weird thing was, he didn’t want anything from her. Not really. He wasn’t looking for help, or notes, or connections. He wasn’t even looking for a fight.

He just wanted to know if she ever messed up.

If the game she was playing was as perfect as she made it look.

Because people like her didn’t run without cracks. No matter how polished. No matter how precise.

And Geum Seong-je had time. He had silence. And he had an unsettling talent for noticing what others ignored.

He could wait.

This is gonna be fucking fun.

So I decided to drop the chapter tonight, felt like it.

Hope you enjoy reading it🫂.

[murmiss]

Price's neglected daughter!Reader and kidnapper!Konig

Warning:Brief mention of kidnapping sleeping pills,swearing, possible mistakes in words, grammar. English is not my first language.I might have missed mistakes, don't be afraid to point them out to me.

Finally, everything fell into place and his daughter, his own blood, came home. The days without her seemed like hell, a meaningless confusion of days and weeks, empty and soulless moments of life. But now that Megan was back, nothing mattered. At first, when she first came home, Price insisted that she take an academic leave, but the girl was determined, and with her signature smile and the help of light words, she managed to convince her father to let her continue her studies. She knew the entire program perfectly, which sometimes confused the teachers - how could she know all this? But on the other hand, now she was fine, safe and sound.

When Megan showed up, rumors spread everywhere, and in the tiny town where they lived, calm times finally came. It was as if no one had thought about such basic things and inconsistencies as "why did Megan Price disappear and suddenly appear after almost two years? What happened to her? Where was she all this time?" Everyone seemed to be just happy that she was back.

It was as if Price had come back to life with her appearance.

Clubs, movies, melodramas, a trip out of town to an old family house by the lake? Hell, everything Megan wanted was done instantly with 100% dedication.

Is your phone acting up? No problem, we'll buy a new one, but we'll definitely install an app to track your location. Want a new dress? Order one, here's daddy's card. A party at the university? Oh no, daddy will worry and will wait for you at the university. A few words of concern enveloped Megan from all sides. Price was tracking her, the old lady next door was looking suspiciously at Megan's friend, and the salesperson at the store where Megan went every lunch to buy coffee and a candy bar from the machine, was wary of strange people who were looking at Meg.

It seemed that the entire tiny town had united and protected Megan Price from danger.

Price's colleagues were also the most defensive,

Simon became a loyal "dog" - when Price couldn't, Simon met Megan on his motorcycle. And it didn't matter that you were standing there too, that you also needed a ride home.

Gaz was tracking the location with his devices, Soap was damn busy buying expensive anatomy books, sweets or some complex and unusual wishes for Meg, meeting her after university, like the others.

And where were you? That's right, but on the same day. For some reason, from the very beginning, even your father's colleagues did not accept you, the old lady next door disliked you, considering you "the evil eye of the family", like when you were around, something went wrong with Megan.

So when you suddenly disappeared, changing places with the once missing Megan, no one paid attention. Not your father, not the neighbors, not even the teachers.

But after an indefinite amount of time, it was noticed, and it wasn't your father who noticed first, no. It was the institute. The semester was ending and the session was starting, everyone was taking exams, everything would be fine, but you still hadn't turned up. Then one of the teachers in charge of attendance turned to Megan, deciding to find out what the problem was.

Wednesday, the middle of the day, a woman, a brunette in her forties with a short haircut, dressed in a striped sweater, trousers with clearly ironed creases and patent leather shoes - Mrs. Rocks, stopped Meg, calling out to the girl in a respectful tone: "Miss Price".

Megan, hearing the voice of her philosophy teacher, was distracted, and with a smile turned around, stopping and answering: "Yes, Mrs. Rocks?"

The philosophy teacher came closer, sighing wearily from a week of paperwork. woman stared at her papers, reading the names carefully: "Harris, Bronton, Fox, oh, Price. Megan, I have a serious question for you..." Megan gasped, immediately embarrassed, her eyes still on Mrs. Rocks's speech. "The thing is, your little sister hasn't been around lately. She's had quite a few absences."

Megan sighs sadly, looks down at the floor and fidgets in one place, adjusting her backpack, saying with anxiety in her voice: "Oh, miss.. If only it were that simple.. My little sister is very ill, she is with her mother in Germany now.. We did not want to tell anyone, but it is very serious..". Woman looks up from the documents and looks at the young lady in front of her in surprise. Her heart squeezes at the thought of how hard it is for Megan and her family right now, and she, losing all sternness, replies: "I am very sorry, Miss Price.. I wish your family could get over this as soon as possible..". Woman pauses and after a few moments continues: "Your sister can send assignments by mail, e-mail. I think this will help her stay afloat for a while."

Megan smiles faintly and sincerely replies: "Thank you, Miss, your understanding is very valuable to us" and almost immediately, the girl reaches out to hug the philosophy teacher. This informal gesture was the final note of the game that Megan started. Woman, not expecting a hug, turned out to be damn upset and feeling the mother's protectiveness, the desire to help, hugged Meg back, repeating once again: "I sympathize with your family, Miss Price.."

It was already a dark night, little was clear, but you didn't want to ask questions. Chemistry, anatomy, histology and other subjects were exhausting and torturous, especially when they were difficult for you, so when Konig brought you to his house, you weren't even scared. Was he a friend of your father's? Yes, and that was enough.

The living room was quite dark, despite the light gray wallpaper. The furniture was dark, a black terry blanket was laid out on the wide sofa, and there were strange pictures of owls on the pillows. They were so stupid that you couldn't stand it, grabbed one of them and started squeezing it.

"Tea, coffee? Cherry juice, orange juice?" - you were interrupted by Konig's voice, who entered the living room, in his hands he was holding a gray plastic tray with plates of snacks. The first one, with a tiny red flower, had strawberry marshmallows, the blue flat plate had cookies with marshmallow layers, and the orange deep bowl had little fish cookies mixed in with wafers laid on top.

So delicious. Oh, your father never cared what you drank, like tea or something sweet you wanted.

"Is anyone else coming?" you ask, expecting to see his wife, maybe his girlfriend, or someone from Price's group, because the portion was too big.

"No, just us," he says, sitting down next to you, slowly, as if approaching a fawn that is about to break free and run away. Sitting down next to you, you notice his size again: he is big, an incredible mountain of muscle. He was nervously stroking his knee, holding his head up, he sat tensely, squinting at you and saying nothing. A fucking weird guy, oh well.

"Oh, yeah, right, what drink?" he immediately stands up, couch creaks under his weight, and he immediately turns to you

"tea," you interrupt, sighing tiredly and stretching out your leg, leaning back on the back of the couch and propping your head up with your hand, sitting sideways to him, stretched out like a doe.

He swallows nervously, not taking his eyes off you, but, having come to his senses, immediately heads to the kitchen. His gait was strange, his legs were shaking slightly, and his arms were dangling, as if they were separate. Before he finally disappeared, he glanced at your figure. You had already turned away, resting your head on your hands and looking boredly behind the sofa.

His palms were sweat, hands were shaking, and his head was spinning from just thinking. He took the teapot, the mug with lilies and splashed boiling water, mixing it with the tea leaves. Then he looked around again, checking where you were, and making sure that you had not moved from your place, sitting just as beautifully and perfectly, Konig reached for the sugar bowl, and damn! immediately knocking over the neighboring cans. "Fuck!" - curses flew from his lips. From nerves, he shook even more. Hearing a quiet question: "What happened?", Konig, stuttering, answers: "Everything is fine, Mein Engel." and again grabs the spoon and nervously stirs the sleeping pill, biting his lip.

"He's taking so long," flashes through your mind. You sigh tiredly and look down at your phone. "7:00 p.m." You damn well need to go home and you'll probably have to make do with cookies. You get to your feet, wanting to go home, to ask Konig to take you there, cursing under your breath - if your father notices, he'll scold you.

"Where are you going?" - a confused deep voice sounds nearby, you come to your senses almost instantly and look at him in confusion, saying: "I need to go home", to which Konig only laughs and, putting the mugs on the table, casually puts his hand on the small of your back. Light pressure is enough to make you sit back. At first you want to be indignant, but then you think again: your father wouldn't care, where are you rushing to? What are you even worried about?

"Guests shouldn't leave hungry" - he answers boldly, sitting down next to you again, this time more casually, the sofa creaks again and you jump slightly when the sofa springs from the Konig's weight.

"I thought my father would worry" - you answer, shrugging your shoulders and thoughts fly through your head about how damn stupid all this is. Konig laughs, and your cheeks flush with shame, as if he knew about your suffering, as if he was ridiculing your stupid thoughts about Price remembering you, especially now that Megan was found. You feel like a Dumbass.

You sigh for the umpteenth time, reach out and take the mug, bring it to your lips and take a small sip. The hot, sweet liquid runs down your throat, burning it, and a strange taste settles on your tongue. It must be some kind of specific, unusual tea. You look at Konig again. What a strange mask he has.

Konig smiles to himself, his hands are shaking, and his eyes are wide, as if looking into his very soul. He put on his usual hood, comfortable and hiding any strange facial expressions.

You feel relaxed, as if a heavy load fell off your shoulders in an instant. You immediately stretch your legs, reach for the tray and grab a cookie with marshmallow inside, put it in your mouth, biting off and smacking your lips with pleasure. For some reason it seemed five times tastier. You take another cookie, then a marshmallow, then you take a fish-shaped cookie and smile involuntarily.

"So funny" - you look at Konig, and he looks like stone, frozen in anticipation

For some reason you feel sleepy...

Third chapter is in progress, it will be more interesting there.I'm sorry that this chapter didn't come out for a long time.

If you need to be mentioned in the following chapters, write to me.,

@veryrawknees , @fightmebissh

Part one

[alexiabae]

SHIVER | jana fernàndez x fem!reader

Summary: in which you hear first before you see her.

Warnings: shy!reader (like always), very awkward, fluff, different pov, slow burn, very long, mistakes.

Note: good luck.

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE.

Your eyes shine admiring the building in front of you.

The blue sky is greeting the sun slowly, making their appearance to greet this part of the city. It seems too that it wanted you to welcome your first day to the facility to take your first training session.

Taking a breath, your order to your mind to move your feet, holding very tight the strap of your gym bag. When you enter there, you try to remind the indications the staff team gives when they show you the training facilities. Greeting the people working there, you turn a few corners to direct yourself towards the changing room, where some noise was heard with every step you approach the closed door.

Closing your eyes momentarily, you knocked on the door a few times, holding now with both hands the strap. You heard some noise and someone yelled a word that you didn't understand, so after a few seconds the red door opened, a tall blonde showed in your vision, her serious expression turning into a soft smile, making you feel a little calmer with that gesture.

"You are the new! Welcome to the jungle!" She said, shortening the small distance between you two and giving you a warm hug, hearing how she leaves a small laugh. "Sorry, I guess I get used to greeting like that. I'm Frido." She said after separating from the hug, still smiling.

You whisper your name, repeating it a little louder when you realise that she probably didn't listen to you the first time. Frido squeezes your side and guides you inside, a small group of people are gathered in a corner while they are speaking between them, shutting up when they notice you and all their eyes are you.

You feel like you are going to pass out for the attention.

"Girls, our new acquisition." Frido says, standing next to you.

After a few seconds of silence, they start to greet you with smiles on their faces, shocking you a little when they all hug you, asking in broken Spanish accent how are you.

"Where are you from?" Aitana asks you, eyebrows knitted in curiosity while her eyes scan your face.

You cleared your throat, loosening the grip on your strap. "I'm from Greece." You answer shortly, but with a sheepish smile directed towards the brunette.

You see how she opened her eyes, like some of them. It seems that they never have a Greek teammate until now.

"Really? That's cool." Salma, the same stature as Frido, says.

Before they could keep talking, Marta interrupted them and told them to ask you later, then she proceeded to show your assigned seat there, telling you if you have some doubts, all you need is to ask.

You thanked her, pulling off your gym bag to the floor and sitting down, you try to not freak to be surrounded by a bunch of talented players while you change your shoes. However you fear the moment the whole team would be gathered together, making this dream more real.

A loud laugh was interrupted in the changing room, making you look up while you tied your laces. Two people entered there, the shortest one is looking at the taller one, beaming at something that only they knew. One of whom was there before, called the attention of the shortest one, her attention now on a different person. You come back to tie your laces, taking a mental note to learn the new language.

A shadow passes in front of you, again raising your head up and catching just in time how the cheerful girl looks at you curiously, but keeping her way to her assigned spot. You don't keep looking at her because you feel another presence on your left side, the other person who comes with her is standing next to you, sitting on the free spot and smiling at you when she notices your eyes on her.

"I'm Ingrid." She says softly, almost in a quiet tone. She greets you differently, stretching a hand out to you.

Blushing, you accept her hand and shake it for a few seconds, giving your name once again. Before some of you could speak again, you feel movement to your right side, the girl that came with Ingrid is sitting next to you.

With curious eyes, she says something but you can't answer back because you didn't understand her.

"She said that she thought you could come tomorrow, not today." Ingrid translated gently, opening her gym bag and grabbing a pair shoes.

Taking you for surprise, the tattoo girl wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave you a smile. "At the end of the season, that shyness wouldn't exist anymore. Also, I'm Mapi." She didn't remove her arm, only stretch her free hand towards you.

You shake it, not knowing what to say after introducing yourself. It seems that she didn't care because only chuckled at herself by your reaction, ruffling your hair and not caring to mess up your tied ponytail. A soft warning of her name by your left, made Mapi gives you an apology that she doesn't seem to feel sorry about her action.

Someone ran inside of the changing room, slamming the door open while she yelled something that you couldn't catch for your lack of Spanish. Your breath catches on your throat when you notice who she is, eyes opening without believing that this is happening. It seems that today you couldn't stop blushing and the training even started, her hazel eyes landed on you.

You look away, shyly. Hearing a soft laugh by your side, your blush deepened, not daring to look at Mapi.

"You are like her." Mapi says in a smug way, lowering her voice. Still with her arm around you, she yells the name of the person who entered. "¿Viniendo tarde en el día que nuestro fichaje empieza? Que vergüenza." You didn't understand, but you can feel the playful and mischievous tone of her voice.

Laughing filled the room, a plus to the beforehand when some of them start to whistle at the one who arrived.

"Cállate." The new voice says, embarrassment filling her voice. You dared to look at her way and you see how she starts to walk towards your way. Your eyes meet again and her features change, giving you a sheepish smile. "Sorry... There is traffic to come here, weird because it rarely happens but today happened." She explains quickly, her smile is erased soon, holding the strap of her gym bag tightly. "I can give you a quick explanation now and when the training is over give you more details." She said in a rushed tone, her cheeks turning red, matching yours.

Marta yells something from the other side of the changing room before you could give an answer. Whatever she said makes the blonde relax her posture, looking back at you with a more relaxed gesture.

She extends a hand, just like Ingrid, and introduces herself like if you didn't know who she is, external to the repercussions she is making in this sport.

Shyly, you shake her hand while you stand up, muttering your name. You wanted to say out loud how you admire her, but it seems that you are doing both of your favours if you remain quiet.

Alexia nods imperceptibly, letting your hand go. Another comment from behind you makes the blonde narrow her eyes, muttering something directed to her way.

Awkwardly, you sit down again and rummage through your gym bag, letting the two banter without you being in the middle. You try not to look too much at Alexia, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. Your attention is removed from the pair of friends when big loud noises are heard outside, Alexia turns on her heels after she hears it and with fast steps she goes outside. There are a few voices together, giving some incoherent words or at least it's how it sounded to you. But it calls your attention a raspy one, you don't know the meaning of her words but you swore you can stay listening to them at any moment. Your trance is interrupted by the laugh from the group outside, some of them calling Alexia's name when she enters back, cheeks very red and throwing her gym back to the floor with force.

Your curiosity won this time and your eyes remain on the door, wanting to see and guess the owner of that raspy voice.

One by one start to go inside, greeting them cheerfully and sorting people through their place, you lie to yourself if you don't scream internally when you recognise them, mainly when Patri Guijarro walks in and walks towards the blonde who is wearing —now— a scowl on her face while she changes if shoes. You feel special admiration for that player.

Two of them walked side by side, wearing wide smiles on. You don't know why but you blush when your eyes landed on the short brunette, laughing at something that you didn't know because your attention is fully on her, her smile illuminated her face and you hear her voice, blushing deeply and making yourself remove your gaze from her.

"¡Una cara nueva!"

This comment sounds just in front of you, making you swallow your new thoughts and shyness and look up. Her blue eyes shine with mischief, but a warm smile approaches her round face, not letting your time to stand up and greet properly she leans on and gives you a brief hug, introducing herself in English with a very Spanish accent, something you notice with the Spaniards before her who introduced to you.

Claudia nods excitedly with her head when you introduce yourself, sitting in front of you, not minding your shyness.

The next one is Cata, giving an affectionate -but hard- pat on your shoulder after giving another hug like the others. She is very loud, it is the first thing you notice about her, however her amicable words make you feel warm.

Mapi says something that made the changing room laugh, a playful smile playing on her lips when you look at her confused, but guessing when once again the brunette next to you reprimands her.

"She is the most annoying of us." It was the first thing that Patri told you, opening her arms and wrapping you in a warm hug. This time you are standing up, previously when you introduce yourself to Cata, you wish to be sitting because you are so shocked by this. "I do not bite." Patri tells you, separating herself from the hug but remaining both hands about your shoulders, the smile as Mapi showing on. She rubbed your shoulders gently, winking at you once you recovered a little and muttered your name and gave you a last side hug, sitting next to Claudia.

You forget momentarily that there are a few of them that still haven't met, a different accent wakes you up when she approached you.

Kika Nazareth's smile seems like it is her second nature, easy, light and gentle to unknowns and a fresh air to the ones who know her, or that is your guess. You like to guess people's behaviours. She offered to ask her anything, she came here last season and knew how to be new in a new place. Nodding, you murmur that you will count on that.

And then it is the shortest of all of them, a smile that for you, wins Kika's by far. Her ponytail is tidy, like yours before Mapi decided the contrary, the warmth of her brown eyes looking at you with every step towards you makes you feel shaking with anticipation, hopefully you are doing it internally and not showing it, because you would look very pathetic. Most, you mean.

She introduced herself, the raspy of her voice a little more pronounced in the change of the language. And just like Patri, she envelopes both arms around your body, briefly but enough for you to be wrapped around her citric perfume, and the smell of coconut of her hair embracing your nostrils. You hug her awkwardly, she is still wearing her gym bag with herself and didn't know how to put your arms properly.

It is a brief introduction, but the only one who you chose.

Jana.

You ask yourself how someone could smile with her eyes when you come back to sit down, grabbing your cleats on your hand.

A pat on your thigh warned you to look up.

"Let's go to training, kid." Mapi instructed, standing up and making you frown.

"I'm 24." You said.

Mapi looks at you raising an eyebrow, fixing her bun blindly while tilting her head. "And? You are still a kid."

Ingrid catches your eye when you look around confused, making her chuckle a little by your reaction. "You will get used to it." She said, standing up and offering you a hand.

You can't wait.

•••

You are marvelled by everything, it's true that it's your first training that requires a lot of you and you notice it at the first moment. An hour later there is a brief interruption, a teammate came late because she had a problem with her car.

She introduced herself to you when she spotted you when Mapi —who still didn't leave your side— called her. With a nod to your way, Ona jogged quickly to join immediately to the squad.

Some of the staff team tends you a pulsometer, you grab it and inspect carefully, it's the first time you would wear it. Unfortunately, your last team couldn't handle these types of things, but I least you learn other things in exchange.

"Need help?" Alexia approaches you, signalling with her finger the pulsometer.

You nod slowly, blushing a little. "It's the first time I'm going to wear one of these..." You admitted, watching with curiosity how the captain helps you.

Far away from judging you, Alexia gives you a tiny smile. "It's not been too much since we started to wear it too." She confesses in a quiet voice, remaining by your side with both hands on her hips, waiting for the coach to instruct you what to do.

Your breath gets more heavy with every exercise, reminding you that it's what you want when momentarily tell yourself that you can't anymore.

You came at the end of the summer, being the only signing that Barcelona made. You know they can't afford too much right now, you don't blame them for being a “cheap” signing, but they saw something in you to be here, and that's enough for you to force yourself to learn, control your breath and become someone thanks to them.

Your chest is burning the moment the coach ends the last training of the morning, thanking Aitana when she tends you Gatorade, you take a long sip.

Thinking about what you made in the exercises, you are pleasantly surprised to keep going with all of them, sure you commit some mistakes at the start but fix them correctly the second time. Sometimes you receive some comments from the coach, gently not hard and maybe it helps you.

The coach decided to do a game, the only purpose is to have some fun.

You walk slowly to the group, stepping between Caro and Esmee, this one gives you a small smile when she sees you.

"¿Por qué las personas tímidas siempre acabáis juntas?" Mapi shows herself in front of you three, eyebrows knitted while she keeps looking at you.

You heard how the blonde next to you leaves out a soft groan. "She said that why shy people always stand together." Caro explains to you when you turn to look at her.

Mapi gives you a smug look, turning her back at you three crossing her arms on her chest. You don't mind that type of comment, you know she didn't say it to annoy you, only to have fun.

The game consistency is one try to hide the ball and the other defend to the other and don't let them score. Simple and to have some laughs mainly. You have five minutes, to don't make the game longer.

You hold the Gatorade between your hands, your breathing coming normal again. You heard some banter, loudly exclaiming in happy tones.

However Mapi turns to you three again, her eyes fixed on you. "Want to play with me?" Her tone of voice is lowered, but she sounded like a kid and some way makes you laugh quietly for her behaviour when she asks you.

You nod, making Mapi squeals happily while raising a hand up for you to palm her. You do that, her child behaviour showing one more time and coming back to look at the front when the first ones would play the first round.

Kika and Irene.

Everyone cheered, some cheering Kika. You know why, you remember that she suffered a long injury missing the whole season and the Euro tournament, she started training with the squad last month and since it's a chill game, Kika could play it.

You clapped, putting the Gatorade under your arm. Somehow through the game your eyes advertised to the cheering group, your chest tightened one more time that day when you see how Jana is one of the loudest, alongside Cata and Salma. Her ponytail is a little untidy, face a little flushed by the effort from before, the same smile she wore the whole morning opening more, sometimes she clapped.

It's when the whole squad screams that you broke the visual with the brunette and notice that Kika scored, winning the first round.

The moment approaching your turn makes you a little nervous, making you think that they would see how you play, or at least show your style. You are a midfielder, a pure one someone told you when you trained one time at summer in an academy in London. Still, you are surrounded by literally two winners of the Ballon D'Or, twice. It would be very difficult to shine among them.

You heard your name when Mapi exclaimed that it is your turn. Seeing the one who played to the right side and the ones who still didn't remain on the left, you notice that Jana still didn't play and mentally cheered, you want to see her play.

Surrounded by some cheers, some of them cheer your name, Mapi playfully lands an arm around your shoulders, muttering that she is going to win this round, letting you go to put on her position.

You put in front of her, breath shaking a little while you try to deaf your pulse on your ears. Putting both hands on your knees, Pere whistle and throwing the ball to the middle, Mapi winning the first touch and keeping the ball between her feet, her body shielding you from the ball.

Trying to steal it from her feet, Mapi shows you why she is a defender. You push her a little to destabilise her, but it was in vain, the brunette remains on the spot without moving an inch. She started to tease you a little, even showing a side grin to your way to keep you at bay.

You concentrate on yourself, remembering what the coach teaches at the kids at the start when they need to defend. If they are hard, you are double hard, unstoppable. Controlling your breath, in your third try to sneak your foot between her legs you manage to push it a little away from her, making Mapi move quickly to hide again from you. But you push your body with force, this time you move her a few centimetres, enough for you to kick the ball away from her and sprint, making it difficult to reach the ball because the defender shoves her body towards you, her hand on your arm to keep you controlled. Both of your feet collided with the other, pushing more the ball.

Mapi is pressing very hard on you, making it difficult for you to reach the ball. You both are near the right line, her hand is in your kit holding in place. You don't know how, but you pull with all your force away from her and sprint to the ball and go a little away with it between your feet, checking through your shoulder to see that Mapi run to her position again, this time to defend you.

You are out of breath, panting. Sweat rolling for your forehead, running through your cheeks. You stop with the ball under your foot, once again trying to compose yourself and decide what to do but not letting the opportunity to attack you because you are doubting. Advancing a few steps with the ball in your right foot, your eyes fixed on Mapi's body, who are ready to approach you at any moment.

It's your turn to show your back at her, hiding the ball from her when she tries to steal it from you. You can hear her breath in your ear, body press towards you while she keeps pushing. You don't know how she keeps speaking, you wanted to answer her but can't, you still didn't learn how to do that. In a moment Mapi reached to touch the ball, moving it a few centimetres away from you, but you reacted quickly and made a roulette to put the ball away from her, running a few centimetres towards her goal but she stops you at time, pushing your body but not enough to destabilise to control the ball.

She manages to put herself in front of you, attacking with her feet to steal the ball, but you hide it, giving a few steps back with the ball under your foot. She attacks a few times and you the same, until she decides to attack you twice and you manage to risk yourself and pass the ball to your other foot and give you an auto pass, making another roulette when you reach the ball again, knowing she is behind you. Still, Mapi holds your kit again and stops you a little, at this moment both of you have less force to show. Her body comes back pressing against you, not wasting any opportunities to take the ball away from you.

Abruptly you stop, ball under your right foot. Mapi steps a few centimetres ahead of you, making you turn back and make her think that you choose the other way. You heard how she leaves a groan, reacting in time to chase you again but then, you keep the same way as before and you manage to kick the ball to the goal, it's not the best you kick, but you can't afford to do it properly.

Mapi runs chasing the ball, throwing herself to stop it but fortunately for you, the ball only grazes the tip of her boot and goes in because she can't impact with enough force you pull it in another direction.

Smiling tiredly, you see how Mapi remains on the turf, arms sprawled while supporting her knees up, chest going up and down, just like you.

There is a loud cheer when you come back to reality, out of breath you see how all of them are clapping, some of them chanting your name.

"Never again." You feel Mapi next to you again, not like before, but remaining at the same pace as you. Her voice is shaky, a murmur, eyes fixed on the front. You can appreciate the veins on her forehead showing.

You fear how you would look right now. You lowered your body to reach the Gatorade you put there before and gave a big gulp, offering the bottle to Mapi when you finished.

Ingrid is the first to approach you when you both reach the group, commenting how nice it was to witness that duel. The brunette pat your shoulder in an affectionate way before she remains by Mapi's side. There are a few of them who commented how impressive there was, Alexia gives you a nod of her head with a smile that says something but you don't understand. You nod back, hopefully giving a smile and no other thing.

You sit down on the ground, next to Patri who called you to put yourself next to her and Claudia. The last one gives a banana, you thanked her and took a bite, the flavour giving you a different taste.

If you were calm, you probably would pass out to sit down next to Patri.

The next ones are the last two remaining, Jana and Caro. You carefully watch the duel, somehow marvelled by the forward showing her skills and impressed how Jana keeps with a composure and not backed down by the person in front of her.

While you all keep watching, Mapi lays her back on Patri's legs, gaining a reproach by her but remaining in the same posture. Claudia starts to comment with Vicky, the young player who winked at you when you approached before and high five with her.

"You are coming with us." This comment makes you blink, your eyes going away from the two players keeping the ball and looking at the defender to your left, her focus entirely in front.

"If that's okay with you." Ingrid add on when she sees your face, her voice is gentle.

You nod slowly, assuming they are referring to having lunch with them and they wanted you there.

Mapi shows you a teasing grin, like a mischievous kid who made something they don't supposedly do.

Caro won the duel.

The brunette lowered both hands to her knees, recuperating from what happened. Caro pat Jana's back softly, a sheepish smile on her flushed face.

You watch closely the interaction with the rest of their teammates when they approach, all of you coming back to the changing rooms.

•••

"How are your legs going?"

Mapi asks you, leaning on the kitchen island while pinching with her fork on her salad.

You swallow, taking a small sorb from your cup before you decide to answer. "I don't feel them." You muttered the truth, hearing how the pair shared a knowing laugh.

"It's normal at the start... It would be better if you started in the preseason, it could be hard now... But you can handle this, I'm sure." Mapi says, throwing a piece of bread into her mouth and looking at you.

You shrugged, feeling a little unsure.

Her hand landed on your shoulder, squeezing it. "I don't know how you are feeling right now, but somehow everyone felt it at some point. We know where you came from, we don't judge of course, and we know too that it can be difficult for you since... You came from a small league and there are less professional teams, and maybe you are going to take some time to fit into the squad," she paused, thinking her next words. Ingrid looks at her with expectant eyes, fork hanging near the plate. "There are mistakes that you commit, which you fix pretty fast in my opinion. That's good, you are a good learner... But I see your face through the training and... You look amazed by everything they sent us, even the boring ones that we pray to not do more than necessary, you make them eager to learn." It's weird to hear Mapi speaking in a serious tone, gentleness pooling on her gaze while their eyes remain on you. "You can with this, chica."

Maybe it's too soon for the defender to say much more and choose to say what you need to hear. Maybe Mapi is more observed than you think and she reassured you what you fear to show them.

You nod, feeling the soft squeeze on your shoulder before the defender comes back to finish her plate, her childish behaviour coming back while she starts to tease Ingrid for something that you don't understand, but the brunette face showed her annoyance, making you paint a real tired and relaxed smile.

Today there is double training, and since you stayed at Mapi's and Ingrid's place, they take you there with them. Meanwhile the training arrived, you played some card games while they asked you to meet you a little, Ingrid sometimes stopped Mapi when she thought Mapi asked too many questions and personal ones.

"I need to ask her because I need to protect her from people, even if she is already with someone!"

You laugh a little by her dramatic answer when Ingrid pinches her leg in warning, her green eyes showing you an apology.

Once there again, trailing behind the couple, you see how Patri, Claudia and Cata join you, the Balear midfielder throwing an arm around your shoulders while with a smug smile say something to Mapi.

Thankfully they all missed your red face, or for now they chose to not say anything, but the little you know, there would be some of them who could tease you no matter how long they know you.

When you sit down to change shoes again, you feel how your feet feel sore with some movements you made to taste. You know it's normal, hopefully you wish they get used to it soon. Your legs felt heavier than before, but you can support it, you did before. Again, it's normal.

"¡Aitana y Y/N, juntas!" You heard how the coach started to put them into pairs, thankfully even if you don't understand what he said, you know what he means.

The brunette approaches you first, smiling and greeting you again, intertwining her arm with yours. You find comfort soon on her, it seems that she didn't mind being the only one talking and leaving you to talk when you want. Aitana is explaining some things to you, her voice getting loud when the chat around you becomes louder. She helps you with the drill, even teaching you some techniques to do it fastly. Her voice is gentle, not demanding or irritated, —something you fear could happen— is instructive and cheerful, like really enjoying telling you everything.

"You hide the ball really well." Aitana surprised you when she passed the ball to you again. She said so casually that you miss touching the ball on the first touch and apologizing, going for it again. The brunette let out a soft giggle. "Not bad." She teases you a little, but a smile remains on her lips watching you.

"You do it better than me." You dare to say, giving the ball at her again. You can feel how your cheek could explode at any moment, you can blame it for the heat of that afternoon though.

Aitana only nods her head and keeps smiling, maybe sensing your shyness getting on you right now. The rest of the drill with her was perfect, almost finishing it you opened a little more to her, telling her some things about where you came.

When it was over, the coach instructed another different exercise. And then, the last one is a match. You get with Aitana, —who high five at you— Salma, Ingrid, Ellie, Sydney and Vicky.

In the opposite team were Patri, Mapi, —who made a grimace looking at you, making some laughs— Alexia, Cata, Frido, Claudia and Irene. The rest would be sub for some of you through the game.

You grab the training pinny that someone from the staff team tends you, putting it on. Your team starts first, Salma giving the first touch to start the game.

It's here when you notice how far away you are from them. When they push you to steal the ball, it was inevitable to not move you a few centimetres, still you manage to keep the ball. You have a hard time with Patri, that apparently is marking you. When you give your back at her, somehow her elbow collides hard on your lower back, making you hiss a little but didn't give up and give a pass to Ingrid. Then, when the other team has the ball you struggle to go and steal the ball from some of them. They move it quickly, the connection between Claudia and Alexia palpable. They advance first to your goal, Alexia making a run with Aitana chasing her without success to steal the ball. And surprisingly it's you who avoided the ball entering the goal when Alexia kicked it and you threw yourself on the turf, the ball going to the other side of the pitch going outside.

Ingrid helps you to stand up, commenting to keep like that. Ellie pats your shoulder, grabbing the ball and kicking it to have a counter back. You go up, seeing how Salma controls the ball and failing the dribble against Irene.

They scored first, Claudia gave a beautiful shot at the right corner of the goal, a ball unstoppable. Panting, you returned to your position wiping the sweat from your forehead with the palm of your hand. This time Salma passed you the ball, Patri and Alexia going towards you running fastly, letting you only seconds to think and choose. The smart thing to do is pass the ball to another teammate, but you always like the risk. So seeing they are coming through your sides, you have a small space in the middle and when they are close to you, raising the ball between their legs when they extend them, you run with the ball through them and make a run, seeing how Vicky finds a breach and passes the ball to her. Sadly, the ball hit the crossbar.

You see how Mapi screams at her team while she points at you, a gesture serious on her face. Vicky gives you a thumbs up, apologizing too for failing. It encourages you how your teammates in this game give you good comments. But you can't anymore after awhile, you are out of breath, receiving kicks to your ankles didn't help either.

So when your team scored thanks to Aitana, fortunately the coach made some changes. He changes you for Dragoni, he congratulates you giving a palm to your shoulder gently.

"Take."

You turn your head to the voice, seeing how Jana is approaching you with a Gatorade in hand. Thanking her, you remain next to her holding the bottle with both hands while you put pressure on it, the cold liquid hitting your mouth and relieving you.

You try to ignore that you are next to her, your breathing becoming normal while your eyes are on the pitch, Caro going in for Salma. Your teammate decided to put herself next to you grabbing a Gatorade, commenting on the play you made before with enthusiasm.

"You should see their faces." Jana commented, chuckling a little pointing with her head the midfielders. "They didn't see it coming." Her brown eyes look at you, warm and welcoming. Her posture is lightly inclined to you both.

"I'm scared now." You muttered, half closing your eyes when you returned to look back at the pitch to Alexia and Patri, concentrated.

They both leave out soft laughs, Salma leaning on you to comment that they are not that scary, but then she retreats herself and advises you to not make Alexia angry.

Ona and the three midfielders are changed, Jana joining the team to finally play. Patri elbow you with a grin, commenting on the play and complimenting you.

You don't know why but you don't find it that impressive, still you politely didn't say anything and thank their comment.

When the training is over, you all are walking back. What you didn't know was how you managed to focus your attention in Jana while she is speaking with Ona about something you don't know, but really seems happy about the topic. The problem came when you trip with the bag's ball that you offered to take to its place, your knees hit hard the pavement and you slipped out a small hurt sound.

The first face that you see is Alexia, hearing from a short distance someone screams “My child!”. The blonde immediately asks you if you are okay, worry not only filling her eyes, her all face too.

"I'm awkward." You whisper after communicating that you are fine, accepting the hand she offers you to help you stand up.

Alexia points out that your knees are bleeding, offering to go with you to the medical office team. Mapi soon is by your side, taking your face between her hands and asking in a messy English tone if you are okay.

You don't realise that they all are looking at you until you look straight, their stares make you blush a lot. You try to avoid those eyes at all costs, not daring to see her reaction to your stupid fall.

The two by your sides offered to go with you to take care of your knees, Alexia instructing someone else to take care of the bag in your hands.

"How is your first day?" Alexia asks you once finished to patch your knees, accompanying you to the changing room.

"Pretty good. Nervous, but exciting." You say honestly after thinking how you are feeling through this day.

Alexia nods, giving you a soft squeeze on your elbow.

You three enter there, half of the team out of the place. Mapi waits patiently next to your place like she told you when Alexia sent her here.

"I'll take you to your place."

Then, Mapi and Ingrid waited patiently for you to put in your other shoes, the defender dismissing when you say your car would stay here.

•••

You stirred, letting out a sigh and turning to your other side. Then, an incessant noise wakes you up and blindly searches for the device, muttering sleepily to another person in the other line.

"¿Qué? No importa, open the door kid. We are here."

You frown lightly, removing the phone from your ear and with an eye closed you see that you don't have saved the number, but the voice sounds to you a lot. It's when you see the hour that you cursed and stand up, going to open the door.

Ona, Ingrid and Mapi are there.

"Sorry, I didn't hear the alarms." You said, opening the door for them still with your phone in hand.

"We figure out that you wouldn't do it in time, so we came to save you." Mapi sang, going first to your apartment.

"That looks painful." Ona tells you once she greets you, eyes fixed on your exposed knees, where the wound is showing.

You shrugged, feeling heaviness on all your body. Ingrid tells you that you still have time to go to training, saying that you don't need to rush.

Once with the kit on, tidy ponytail, you come back to the living room, commenting if they want something in your way towards the kitchen.

"Don't worry, we already have breakfast." Ona says, leaning on the frame when she steps with Mapi in the kitchen, Ingrid stays on the couch.

You nod, grabbing some oranges and squeezing them in an orange squeezer. You obligate yourself to eat something, usually you aren't the type to wake up and eat immediately, you need time apart to do that.

Mapi steals some cookies, giving you an innocent smile when you look at her.

"How do you know that I leave myself asleep?" You ask her in a small tone, still the tiredness shows on.

"We were there before." She says, shrugging.

After you finish, brush your teeth and the four of you go inside of Mapi's car. Apparently Ona's car is in a garage for a few days and she needs a ride to the training grounds these days.

"Let me help you with that." Ingrid says to you when you enter the changing room, some of them are already there. "Take, it helps." She gives you two white bandages, enough to cover your wounds.

Sitting, you put one in your right knee, flinching a little when it brushes your wound. When you are putting the second in your left, someone comes and asks you for them.

"Hurt that much?" You look up immediately, seeing Jana standing in front of you looking at how you are finished to put on the bandage.

"Not too much." You murmur, swallowing.

Jana nods, gifting you a smile and going out of the changing room.

You don't have time to process her presence in your space when Alexia comes to ask you how you are, muttering that you need to be more careful knowing now that you are a little clumsy.

That morning training feels like it never goes to end. Maybe it's the heaviness you feel, that it seems that every touch, movement and precision were slower and you don't like it. You missed a few easy marks, cursing yourself in a whisper in your language in the second missed touch. You don't want to look at them on their faces, feeling embarrassed and the truth is that you could handle their gazes, because you know it speaks louder than any comment they would tell you.

"We are going to have lunch, let's go." Mapi informs you when she enters a few minutes after you, turning around to pick up her things and missing your surprised expression.

"We thought that you would like this bar, they have really good tapas." Ona seems to catch your face, walking with her gym bag towards you three are. You assume that she will be stuck with the couple today because she didn't have a car and they offered.

You muttered a soft okay, giving a light shrug while put on your gym bag through your body. You are refreshed once you come back to the changing room, immediately changing your sweated kit and burying yourself under the water, taking a quick shower. So fortunately you don't need to worry about your smell bothering them.

Ona starts a conversation with Alexia, who it seems that she would go too. You freeze a little when Jana approaches the door knocking on it, an impatient face looking at them while saying something that you don't understand. You stand awkwardly next to Ingrid, finding comfort in the brunette who welcomes you the day before and some way take care of you, like the defender who is screaming something while she grabs another kit that she is wearing and going to the shower area.

You see how Ingrid sits down with a knowing look, telling you the same and commenting that it would take Mapi fifteen minutes at least. Jana clicked with her tongue, letting out a sigh and muttering something at them, you only caught Kika's name and then disappeared from there.

You assume that they would go too, making you feel a little nervous. Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear Mapi shout the lyrics from the song she put on, you try to hold a smile but fail with every miss note she makes. Alexia shares a smile with you when she sees you, muttering to you that she recommended the defender to be a singer instead, this time a soft laugh escaped from your mouth.

After a few failed warnings from Alexia, Mapi came out with a clean kit and wet hair, cheerfully grabbing her things and going to the door, throwing the car's keys to Ingrid. Some screams are exchanged between the defender and the girls inside a car, the vehicle disappears after they all are in Mapi's car, the pilot this time being the Norwegian midfielder while you are in the middle between Alexia and Ona.

You feel relieved the moment your back hits the soft material, content while you hear some Spanish song sounding in a low volume while they sometimes talk, less Alexia who seems interested looking at the window. You are glad to not be the only one remaining quiet, even if you have the barrier of the language as an excuse.

When the car is parked, you need to walk to the place they said. You look at the streets and the inevitable familiarity of them reminds you of your hometown, even the language has some familiarity with yours. You follow the group, look at everything and take some notes to visit some places that take your interest.

They enter the bar in a corner, the cold breeze hits you immediately and you feel grateful for it, something definitely it shares with your city is the heat in this time of the year. You spotted a table where some of your teammates are there sitting, calling your names.

However you wait for them to take a seat, Jana sees you standing and offers you the seat next to her, hand removing the chair behind with a kind smile. You meet her peach scent the moment you take the seat, biting your lower lip while the loud chatter floats around you.

"Do you have Instagram?" Mapi asks you from the other place of the table, grabbing her phone while looking at you.

You knitted your eyebrows, nodding with your head. She asks you the name, letting out an exclamation when you told your name, gaining some laughs from your teammates.

"How do I type that? I don't know how to pronounce it either." The defender says, a little astonished.

"She is Greek, dumb." Salma informs her, winking at your way.

You feel how Jana is looking at you, so you don't look at her way and instead grab Mapi's phone when she extends her arm to you and mutters to type your surname.

"Y/N Oiko- Oikomu.- ¡Mierda! I don't know." Mapi tries to read, failing in every intention to read properly. However you feel how your phone vibrates while Mapi huff, shushing Claudia next to her who is laughing.

"Oikonomou." Ingrid read out loud from Mapi's phone, making the defender roll her eyes while ignoring the smirk on her girlfriend's face.

You see how Mapi is failing how to pronounce your surname, getting entertained by it with every try until you see a phone in front of you, Alexia is giving you a shy smile with the Instagram app open. You typed your surname and gave it back to her, feeling how your phone vibrates again.

"¡Griega! Pégate towards them!" Mapi shouts at you with the phone pointing to the group to your right side.

You lean it with a lipped smile, probably looking horrible because it's how you feel. If you are tense you are more the moment you feel Jana's hand on your back, a gesture to indicate silently to be close to her for the picture.

You hold your breath until Mapi is finished to take pictures, but soon she points the phone to your face, not giving you the opportunity to recover for the warm touch of the hand soaking through the fabric of your kit.

This time, Jana changes her hand to put an arm around your shoulder and lean her head to yours, hearing how she calls for Alexia next to you to join in the picture.

You can't believe what's happening right now, but you would go through this memory later that night in an attempt to comprehend your emotions.

Assimilating that friendly gesture, you see how Alexia tends a menu in front of you, asking what you like. You said that you like everything, not minding to try new things.

"Then, leave me to order for you. You won't regret it." She says, you accept her proposal.

Meanwhile, Vicky asks you things about where you are, saying out loud what everyone thinks but still didn't say out. You don't mind, after all there aren't too many Greeks on this side of the sport to be known. You start to tell your background a little, how you always remind yourself with a ball between your feet and playing on the street with the big kids, intensifying your interest when you live two years in London for your mother's job and don't renounce it when you come back to Athens.

"You are the first Greek I met." Mapi comments, narrowing her eyes when Claudia comments back that probably would be the last time too, laughing filling the table. The defender complains to Ingrid a few minutes later when they keep teasing her, you watch the interaction with fun.

Kika starts to keep a conversation with you about the vacation places, agreeing with you on some topics like in yours, in her country they have the same problem, just like Spain. People go to the beaches when they can offer more than that, and sometimes people who live there get annoyed by it.

"I'm starving." Ona muttered a few rows away from you, after thanking the waitress. Her face paints a small pleasure expression when saw the plate, starting to devour the content in the plate she is sharing with some of them.

The smell makes your stomach notice, making some noise that you —hopefully— nobody hears.

"Take, this is called chocos fritos." Alexia says while giving you a napkin enrolled with a fork and knife inside.

You taste it when you take the fork to your mouth, tasting the salty and the flavour of meeting your senses for the first time, you nod with your head when you feel Alexia's eyes on you, after chewing and communicating that it's really nice. You taste it too when Alexia puts some lemon on it after asking you, and you approve immediately at the addition.

Then, something called Gazpacho is placed in front of you, they told you it is traditional from the south of Spain and very popular for the whole country. It's like a cold soup that you love the moment you taste it, wanting more the moment you finish but remains quiet and wait for the last one, because there would be a dessert and they seem really excited for you to try.

You feel something dry on the corner of your lip, realising that Jana is cleaning that place with a napkin, whispering to you that you have gazpacho there. She didn't warned you to do it yourself, she just tells you while she does it.

Jana is not putting resistance on the weird thing that you are starting to feel whenever she is around you. And less with gestures like that.

After the last tapa, the dessert came quickly. It's called crema catalana, a traditional Catalan dessert that actually is really good. They call it only crema, explaining to you that there they call like that while in the rest of the country they call crema catalana.

Your verdict makes Alexia don't agree with you, telling you that your first election should be la crema catalana and not gazpacho. You give her a shy smile, shrugging while you all get out of there to go to the meeting to start to study your first rival in the league.

"At least today there aren't double sessions." Ona comments, patting your shoulder when she puts on her seatbelt.

You feel some relief knowing that, forgetting about that. However, the next day would be double sessions but at least you would be more rest.

•••

Pain, it's the only thing you can feel right now.

You leave a small hurt sound, taking a hand to your right side, your eyebrow. You notice a liquid and a lot of pain, taking a look at your fingers and seeing a red liquid there.

Why are you so clumsy?

You left a groan out, praying that no one heard or saw you. Crouching next to your car, you search for the keys quickly with your clean hand. Blushing just thinking how you made yourself that.

Once inside, you put your gym bag behind, taking a look to yourself in the rearview mirror and grimacing by the open cut in your eyebrow, blood falling through your cheek and nose, feeling the sensation of the smash with every second. It's like it's biting that place, inflammation starting to show.

You decided to go to the hospital because you feared that you probably needed stitches. So after cleaning your face, it still keeps bleeding. Putting the route to the hospital in your GPS, you start to drive carefully and avoid where some of your teammates are going out of the building.

Small drops of blood fell to your kit you realised when you took at last look to yourself in the mirror. Grabbing a new paper, you go out of the car and walk to the receptionist, who sends you to Urgències to attend you for your little accident.

You explain carefully what happened to you to the woman, who gladly helped you with a sad smile when she saw your state. After she gives you back your European sanitary card, the woman indicated to you to wait in the chairs to the right wing, warning you that it would probably take some hours there because there are people with injuries worse than yours, so you nod understandably and thanked her.

You are hungry, and you only have three hours free before you need to come back, still you know that you couldn't make it in time. Your head starts to hurt and you feel your eyebrow more heavy, your right eye half closed. Checking the time, you think if you should warn someone of the team with the hour approaching.

However you decide to leave the device because the brightness of the screen starts to bother you, deciding to go there once you finish.

Four hours later, you are out of there. The doctor who attended you said that you made the right decision to go there, the kind man makes you relax by giving you conversation, like giving him an excuse to practice his English to cheer for your team if he didn't like the sport, and obviously he told you to not train today for precaution when you explained how you made that wound.

You revise your phone once you parked the car there, your stomach roaring but got quiet when you see the missed calls from Alexia, Mapi and Ingrid. There are some text by Mapi.

Taking a breath, you walk slowly inside of the building with the paper the doctor gives you when you ask for him he could write it. Your hair is down, the ponytail was creating you a horrible headache.

You feel their eyes the moment they see you walk to the ground training, but you avoid their gazes and focus on the coach, who screams at them to keep with the drill while he approaches you with a worry expression.

"You alright?" He asks you, seeing the bandage on your eyebrow. You start to explain to him what happened, avoiding the reason behind it and then, you give the paper at him, commenting about your situation. "Okay, yeah. If you need something, please tell us. Some of them are worried about you." He said, saying goodbye and having some rest for the day.

You try to hide your face from them, walking away from there and thinking that you are going to miss the first match of the season, you wouldn't even be a sub.

Begrudgingly, you drive to your place and have a call with your mother, informing her about your state. She worried at first but calmed down once you told her that you were fine, just with a little headache, lying in little.

You feel like you will pass out at any moment when the call ends, remembering that you still didn't eat anything. You hear your phone vibrate, Alexia's name on the screen makes you doubt to answer the call.

"Hi." You greet her in a small voice, sitting on the couch again.

"What happened? Are you feeling bad?" Alexia voices feel anxious, very worried.

You feel bad to hear like that.

"I'm fine, nothing too serious. Just me being me." You leave out a small chuckle. "Do you remember the part when I told you I'm clumsy?" You hear her hummed. "Well, that happened. I got distracted and I buried part of my face in a post that I don't see and I cut my eyebrow. I don't train today because the doctor recommended not doing that." You explain, playing with the laces of your barça training shorts.

Alexia leaves out a heavy sigh, a few seconds later asking you if you need anything.

Before you could say something, there are a few knocks on your door at the same time the doorbell sounds.

"I think I'm fine. Mapi and Ingrid are here." You tell Alexia when you open the door with your heart accelerating because you got scared.

The Catalan before the call ends reminds you gently to call her if something happens, wishing you a quick recovery.

"What happened to your face?" Mapi is the first to speak, eyebrows knitted while she leaves her keys on the table, stepping towards you to check your covered area.

You blush, removing your gaze from the defender and clear your throat. "Smash into a post." You muttered, walking towards the kitchen after you leave your phone on the table.

"How?" Mapi trailed behind you, her gaze fixed on you.

"I wasn't just not looking and... It happened." You say, rummaging through your fridge thinking what to make yourself for dinner. "Do you stay for dinner?"

"Si." The defender answered quickly. "Where did you make it?" She asks, a hint of suspicion on her voice.

You turn to look at her and see her with her arms crossed, Ingrid leaning both hands on the marble table.

"After training, in the parking lot." You admitted, after debating whether to say it or not.

"And why didn't you go to the medical office? They would take care of you instead of you spending all those hours in the hospital." You flinch when you hear Ingrid's voice. It's not angry either reprimand, but is a chill with a hint of something you don't quite point out but make you feel like a child.

You just shrug, closing the door and leaning your back there, starting to play with your fingers.

"Wait, you said you made it in the parking lot. What got you so distracted to hit your face and need stitches?" Mapi inquires a few seconds later.

You blush, clearing your throat. You can't say it, because you don't even know what happens to you every time she is around.

"That bad?" Ingrid asks in a soft tone, sensing the heat raising to your cheeks.

You shake your head. "Just embarrassing." You murmured. Your eyes drifted to the bag paper on your table, inside are the medications the doctor says you need to take.

"Who's involved?" Mapi question straight, putting by your side with an inquisitive gaze.

Shit.

You swallow, muttering that you are hungry and ask what they want for dinner.

"Para." Mapi grabs your shoulders, stopping you. "Who?" Her tone is more serious, almost getting irritated with the fact that there is someone to blame.

"No one! I just noticed someone and... smashed my face." You say quickly, trying to reassure them there is not one to blame and it's only your fault.

The couple look at each other, speaking only with their eyes. You look at them a little terrify by their reaction. However you leave out a relief sigh when Mapi looks you back with a sly grin, her behaviour coming normal.

"¿Te gusta alguien? Who?" You only understand the second question, asking with your eyes she repeats again and it makes you blush more.

"I don't like anyone." You say, starting to clean up some tomatoes.

Ingrid sent you off and took charge of the dinner, seeing your state. Mapi follows you into the living room, sitting next to you while she can't stop smiling like a child.

"It's someone from the team?" She tries to guess, choosing the easy option and you curse her for it.

You remain quiet, but the laugh she leaves tells you that she knows she guesses correctly.

"Firstly, you have a taste." She wiggles her eyebrows, leaning her head briefly to your way while holding your left leg on her lap, she puts your leg there to inspect the wound on your knee. "And secondly... Who is she? ¿Es Ale? Sorry but she is taken!"

You shake your head, still keeping quiet.

"Patri?" She tried again, remembering your state of shock two days ago.

You shake your head again.

Mapi made a thinking face, muttering under her breath that there is a lot and begging for you to give her a clue.

"I don't like anyone." You say again, making Mapi roll her eyes.

Then, you see her think hard. So you remove your leg from her lap and tell her you are going to take a shower, maybe she went to rant off to Ingrid and stop thinking about the details.

Usually you feel better after a shower, but not this time. You just want to eat something, take the pills and go to bed to sleep and wake up without that horrible headache. You walk outside again on your pajamas, eyes half closed, the right one is looking almost closed.

"You look bad." Mapi points out, table ready for you three to eat dinner. "Eat and go to bed." She commanded softly.

•••

You watched the first match on the stands, just like you guessed. You remain two days out because they wanted you to take some precautions since you hit your head. You were next to Kika the whole time and saw how your team won the first three points.

To celebrate, they make a reservation in a restaurant to have dinner. It's going to be your first bond time out of the training grounds with them, you missed the first one for your minor injury.

What you don't wait for when you open the door is to see someone else in Mapi's backseat. You stay a few seconds watching until the driver loudly calls for you to go in.

"I joined them." Jana tells you when you got up, putting your seatbelt and leaving the brunette in the middle, to her left was Frido.

You give them a small smile in the form of a greeting. You try hard to not look too much at Jana while she speaks with them, noticing that you are seeing her for the first time with her hair down and thinking that she looks really pretty.

You come back to your dreamy state when Jana gently brushes her hand on your arm. "Frido asked you." She tells you, her smile widening.

Blinking, you hear Frido repeat the question. "I'm fine. Kika is a good company." You answer when she asks about how you are.

Mapi interjects that she is a better company, only for you to mutter that maybe Kika is better to tease her a little, the Aragonese leaves out a gasp offended and tells you to retreat.

"She is the dramatic of the team, like you can verify." The Swedish comments at you.

The rest of the way to the restaurant is filled with teasing Mapi and you appreciating Jana's presence next to you, almost not believing that she is there. Her voice is sounding more rasp for raising her voice during the match, like some of your teammates, but you find it very attractive towards Jana's mostly.

Once there, you have a break from the brunette and sit down between Alexia —who grab your wrist gently when you walk past her and ask you to sit down next to her— and Ona, who your bond on her is growing these days like the couple. You leave her your car when she commented that hers needed to be more time in the garage, so you offer yours and she agrees once she is reassured that it is okay with you, after asking tenth times. Also you figure out that Mapi would take you to the ground facilities the moment you hit your head and see your state later that day.

Ona is helping you to accommodate yourself into the city, walking to you to some places you comment at her when she approached your apartment last afternoon and asked you what you wanted to do. Also she heard Mapi tease you the next day of your incident when they came for you and with a tease smirk told Mapi to give you a break.

"Your right eye looks better." Alexia comments, checking your right side carefully.

"Yeah, it barely hurts anymore." You communicate, sipping from the coca cola zero cup you asked.

"You did yourself a damage there." She tells you, coming to your mind the first time she saw your stitches in your eyebrow and your right eye. Her face contorted and scolded you, then when Alexia finished immediately apologised and for the first time gave you a hug.

"Promise to be more careful." You repeat what you told her to reassure her, not scared when she scolded you because you saw the worry on her face.

"Más te vale." The blonde says smiling, an arm flying to your shoulder and bringing towards her gently.

You share the same smile, not believing that you have Alexia Putellas next to you, side hugging you, smiling and worrying at you.

Ona sees you two and raises her phone to your faces, saying a word that you don't understand and comprehending later when Alexia says the word what it means. You two share a laugh when Ona tries to spell your surname while she typed your name to tag you, giving you a small stern look she leaves her phone after she finishes, shoving your arm softly when you say it.

With the hours passing, you realised that you have a good time, seeing that they are like in training, what they showed. Some of them ask you to give your opinion on some topics they were discussing, or just telling you cultural things and wanting you to play some games with them on bond nights. If you need to say that someone scares you, that is Irene. The veteran defender has a strong aura, behaviours that if she thinks aren't right, she would tell you and cut you in an instant. However, you can see that she cares about them, the small smiles with the jokes that the young players made at her, scolding Claudia for throwing a piece of bread to Aitana to annoy her or when she asked you how you were feeling. Details that she looks the opposite of what she is, and she plays with that advantage sometimes.

Through dinner, your eyes search for someone. You see her between Ingrid and Frido, the conversations between them look smoother, sometimes their laugh mixes with the others and her eyes are fixed on you when some of them ask you something, there is genuine interest in them but it seems that you only notice Jana's.

"Let's go to a club!" Vicky exclaimed after they all paid.

There is a chorus between yes and no, it amused you how the young player received sceptical looks from the older, while the young ones beamed for her idea. You remain quiet, hands on the pocket of your denim jacket standing next to Ona because Alexia walks towards Vicky and starts to trick her, failing.

"Irene." Alexia called her, almost in a beg while raising her gaze to the defender.

Irene just shrugged, arms crossed on her chest with a calm face. "She is old enough to party, Ale." She said.

Alexia leaves out a small groan, hearing how Vicky squeals happily and jumps into Patri's arms. The blonde makes Patri promise her that she would take care of Vicky, looking through Ona when she points at her and you. Apparently you are going too, the hazel eyes of the captain look at you unsure but didn't say anything.

Mapi stormed out after having a dramatic conversation with her friend, she called your name and translated in Spanglish that she is who needed to keep an eye on Vicky, not Patri. Walking side by side, Ingrid flies behind you both and Ona shouts at you to be lucky where you can hear her smirk.

This time it is Claudia and Salma who accompanied you in the car to the club, the music already settled in the car. There looks like an improvised karaoke, the leader is Mapi with a tired Ingrid next to her, begging her girlfriend to shut up.

"She started to sing." You whisper Ona the moment her group approached you, the freckled girl smirked at you knowingly.

Before she could answer you, the sound of a car approaching at high speed like escaping from a persecution was heard, you got scared because the white car almost hit you if Ona and Ingrid pushed to their side.

"Cata, you need to be more careful! Why are you driving like that in a parking lot?" Ingrid scolds the goalkeeper the moment she puts a foot out.

The mentioned apologise with you, muttering something at Ingrid about rápida y furiosa. The brunette rolled her eyes, while this time it was Mapi who punched Cata's arm in warning.

The defender holds your hand and walks with you inside, asking you what you like to drink, you just said that you don't care, but maybe something not too hard.

Two hours later, you are leaning on the bar with Ona and Ingrid, you are feeling a little tired and have not joined the cheerful group dancing on the dance floor, ironically they don't look tired at all. You learn something new with the pair, having some laughs when Mapi failed miserably in a battle dance with Patri. You sneak some glances of where Jana is, a small smile approaching every time you see her laughing with some of them and erasing it when you notice.

Mapi comes staggering a little with her cup empty, hitting it on the bar and shouting to the waitress to have another. She didn't mind putting herself between Ingrid and Ona, interrupting their conversation.

"You look smiley tonight..." Mapi tells you when she positioned herself next to you, giving a sip to her new drink.

You raised an eyebrow, but remained quiet.

"I'm not that drunk." She sang lowly in your ear, the laugh slipping from her mouth tells another thing just like the slurred words.

Your breath faltered for a moment, but you just take a sip from your second ron con coca cola. Mapi intertwined her arm with yours, whispering that she knew who you like.

"I don't like anyone. Anyway, it is impossible. I've known you all for six days." You say, giving logical reasoning.

Mapi snorted. "It doesn't look that impossible to me. I watched it before, believe me." She slurred out, whispering in your ear that Jana is single and then gave you a thumbs up before she kissed Ingrid's cheek and came back to the dance floor, leaving you blushing profusely.

"What did she say to you?" Ona questioned when she sees your face.

"I barely understood her." You say, not telling the truth but either saying a lie.

They look at you suspicious, but didn't say anything. Then, Kika shows herself and after she obtains a new drink, —after taking a big gulp from yours— and grabbing your hand, taking you to the dance floor.

You thought that you can't blush anymore, but you can. You feel how your cheeks felt warm and was because Kika started dancing in front of you, holding your hand while dancing for you. You see her smug smirk, still she shouts in your ear to relax and join her. It worsens when Patri comes and starts to chant your name, arm landing on your shoulder while she joins Kika and dances. Soon, the rest is around you three, chanting your name and you only want to disappear but instead give in and start to dance, hearing them cheer. Somehow you loosen, feeling the music and probably it's for the alcohol in your system. Kika didn't let go of your hand, but she is having her attention on Claudia and Salma, making a bet about something you don't understand. Patri pulls off her arm but keeps on your side, her eyes are roaming a woman to her right, meanwhile the rest are scattered everywhere. You spotted that Jana takes Patri's job and remains by Vicky's side, seeing how she trailed behind every time the young player walks from one side to another.

And then it is Mapi, who points to Kika and mouths what you think is a jealous word. Her movements at this point are erratic, but it didn't stop her from dancing, she joined you and then separated and danced a few meters away, then came back. She keeps talking to everyone, somehow she is not too drunk to forget about her new discovery.

There is a moment that the Portuguese lean her body on yours, head leaning on your shoulder but keep dancing in slow movement. You can tell that she is tired, still it makes you a little nervous about how close she is. Vicky then approaches the little group where you are, —you stop dancing the moment Kika leans on you— the little girl shouts in Patri's ear to try to speak with that woman, only to be shoved aside by the Balear who starts to blush. Claudia pulls off her phone from her pocket, taking a small video of her friend who pushes away the phone by muttering something with slurred words. Then, the Catalan shouts to you and Kika to smile while putting the phone in your direction, the flash almost blind you there.

"Janaaaa!" You heard Kika say, changing your body for hers the moment the brunette approaches you both.

The defender received her with open arms, chuckling while Kika hides her head on her friend's neck. Jana locked eyes with you, smile softening while hugging back at her friend.

"She likes to cuddle when she is drunk and tired." She comments at you, who witnessed how her friend cuddled you.

"I noticed..." You comment back, holding the empty glass in your hand. Hearing how Patri is taking some breathing exercise next to you. "Is she alright?" You ask loudly, turning to look at her.

"She is taking some courage to speak to that woman." Jana explains, like she is used to this at this point.

You look at said woman, very beautiful if you said the truth. But there is something off on her, somehow sensing that probably she would give a rejection to your teammate. The eyes of the woman lock on you for a moment, you advertise your from her and make the feint to drink, but you remember it is empty when you don't feel the liquid and feel embarrassed. You hear how Jana leaves out a giggle by your side, then she puts her glass in front of you.

"You need it." Was the only thing she says when you raise your eyes to her. Jana is giving you an amused expression.

You drink and put a face when you taste the new flavour, you don't like it. You give it back to her while coughing a little, Patri pat on your back when she hears you.

"Alright?" She slurred out, her English at this point is in very short words to make herself understand what she wants to say.

You nod, seeing how Mapi approaches from nowhere. With a hand on your back, she shouts something at Patri and after she shakes her head with a trembling face, Mapi tells that the night is over.

Vicky wasn't very happy about it.

•••

20 minutes.

That was what you played in the second match of the league.

You don't mind, the contrary you thought would play less than 20 minutes. You came on for Alexia, who patted your shoulder and wished you good luck. There are enough advantages to let Alexia rest, so the coach can test some players.

You were very nervous, but you took it gladly because it makes you determined. You have some mistakes but nothing serious, the only problem is the many kicks to your ankles or the pull of your kit to stop you from hiding the ball from them. You noticed it at the first moment, the high level your team is while the opposite struggles. You never experienced being in the high level part, and it showed in that match.

The breath thing is starting to be controlled, but you need more training to understand some passes your teammates made between them. They didn't do it with you, still. However they told you how well you played, but you don't believe them. You know how you play and you can do it better.

October comes and you play much better in the third match, it was an away game and the new kit brightened under the sun.

You have velocity, so this time the coach put you on the left wing until he changed Aitana and put you in her position. You almost stopped a goal from a counterattack in a corner where Cata was in the middle and while she came back, the rival player saw the opportunity, so you sprint and run directly towards the goal, the moment the rival kicked the ball, you were shouting to Cata to move because she couldn't make it. You kick the ball out near the line, out of breath you move your hand to the referee to indicate it wasn't a goal. Cata was furious for it when the referee indicated that the ball touched the line and say its goal, there were no var and the only to believe were you and Cata, the last one gained a yellow card.

Then, it came the moment where you give an assist to Vicky in a play that no one waited to be. You never give a ball lost, and it is not going to happen now. It started when Irene saw Claudia to free herself from her mark but Irene kicked the ball very strongly and Claudia couldn't reach it so she let it go out. But you saw how the ball is getting slower and doesn't go out so you sprinted, taking the mistake the defender made and ran past her, only chasing you when they noticed. You give an auto pass to yourself and immediately center the ball into the box, the young player hitting the ball with her head and scoring.

You smiled.

"Ready for the Champions League match?" Mapi asks you a week before it happens, sitting herself next to you on the couch, interrupting your thoughts.

Today is bonding time, taking place in Patri's apartment.

You squint your eyes, voicing out your confusion.

"Just think that in a week, we will be playing against Juventus." Mapi says, giving you an innocent cheeky smile.

"You will play, I'm probably watching from the bench." You comment, without any remorse in your tone. You just know right now what you are in the team.

She pat your shoulder, leaving her hand there. "Well, keep playing like that and you soon will be a starter." Mapi leaves out a laugh when Kika sits on your lap, a habit she is developing. "You comfy?" Just like Mapi's suggestive tone when Kika does something relatively close to you.

"Very much, obrigado." Kika answers, leaning her head on your shoulder and giving a wide smile to the defender, leaning part of her leg on Mapi's lap.

You are starting to get used to this type of gesture by the Portuguese. She is like that with everyone, specially Jana, Ellie and Claudia, now you too. Your bond with her grows in the past month after the first party with half of the team in that club, Kika felt comfortable around you to start to tell you things about herself and rant whatever passes on her mind.

With Patri and Claudia there is a bond too, the pair of friends take care of you after training and wander around the city, you never laugh so much more than that afternoon. It surprised you one day when Patri and you were ranting about a match you were watching together in Mapi's place and the conversation took a turn and then she gave you advice. Since then, you listen to the small advice she gives you to be better. Patri didn't seem herself giving them, she told you, but she gives you when you ask shyly.

If the team didn't know who your favourite player was, they know it now.

With Alexia is who you bond in silence, since both of you shared some characteristics. She leaves you by yourself, without necessities of using words. She takes a look at you and knows, sometimes she pats your back gently and muttered how well you did that training and sometimes she tells you where you missed, her voice always firm and gentle. Then, the blonde asks you how are you, that question never missed in your day with her.

If the captain is silent, Aitana is the opposite. The brunette loves explaining everything, her voice getting excited every time you ask her how to do whatever they send you on your way if you don't understand. She is too who offered to help you with the languages, short classes in the gym session where Aitana teaches you and with a cheeky smile correct you or cheer because you learn it correctly. However she asks you how to say small things in Greek, surprisingly her accent sounds better with that language.

You take a liking towards Esmee, Ewa and Caro, sometimes when the rest is getting loud, you step towards them and quietly watch your teammates, sometimes commenting on something that only you four would laugh.

And then is Jana.

With her you feel the same. Nervous, like if you don't know how to speak in front of her and admiring from a distance. She is mostly the one who approached you, commenting on something in a play or just random things in bond nights, you almost collapsed one time when you got paired with her to play a board game. But she is kind and friendly, taking your nervousness like shyness around her. Jana always offers you a Gatorade when the training is stopped and steps towards the coach to give instructions, Mapi winks at your direction when your eyes landed on her.

Jana enters the living room and sees you and the forward, letting out a soft chuckle while teasingly pat Kika's thigh. The Portuguese reclaimed that there is no space for her to sit and that you are comfy, grabbing your arm and wrapping it around her middle section, playing with the only ring you wear. Claudia came and threw herself on you two, putting to your other side bothering Mapi now and leaning her head on your other shoulder, half of her body on the defender and on you.

Patri takes a picture of you, laughing hard by your red face. Still, —not counting Ingrid— they can't pronounce your surname and you find some comfort for when they tease you.

•••

You hate yourself so much.

You can feel the tears in your eyes, holding them while in a failed attempt you try to listen to the coach, but you can't.

It's January, a week after New Year.

Last day was match day and you played the full second half, for a part you felt glad the coach is taking more of your presence in the squad and at the same time is a nightmare for you when it is over.

You analyse every detail in your head, punishing you in your mistakes and barely paying attention to the good ones, if there were some. You don't know at what moment you started to feel like this, but you are repeating to yourself that you can't.

It's a series of things, pretending for your teammates is not easy, but it's a natural thing you know how to do. When they ask you in a casual way how are you; you are fine while giving them the most convincing smile you learned to give. Though you need to be careful with Mapi and Alexia, knowing very well that if the Aragonese see a glimpse of how you are feeling she asks you in the first second, and you don't want to worry them because they have their own problems.

You blinked when you saw how your teammates started to go to the gym area, today is a recovery session. You opted to go to the toilets first, with silent steps you went out and disappeared into the empty toilet, tears slipping from your eyes.

No matter how many times you wipe them with the palm of your hand, they can't stop approaching more. You spend a good amount of time there, biting your lower lip and trying to calm yourself, repeating that this is not the moment.

You throw water to your face before you go out, the tears stop minutes ago and after calming your breathing, your steps take you to the gym. Their gazes are on you the moment you start to walk towards the circle group, you know your eyes are red and puffy, but you don't have enough force to cover at least what you can.

The group is dissolved quickly and allowed to use the machines, you step into the treadmill. You have not raised your head up at any moment, embarrassed of who they would look at you. However you can hear, you heard how Alexia sharply called Mapi's name and shut her up when the defender was to say something.

You are grateful for both of them, they wanted to take care of you in their manners. But you appreciate mostly Alexia's gesture right now.

Your mind is going wild, the last match replaying in your mind like a joke. Maybe Barcelona is too much for someone like you, brightly and sharply at the same time. This team requires professionals, people who can handle and know what they know what is doing. You feel lost most of the time. They deserve someone who fits into the squad and no one who needs to take them by their hands.

Your lungs burn, but you don't stop to run.

However, someone else did.

You saw a hand pressing the buttons knowingly, making you look up for the first time and see the last person you would imagine.

"I think it is enough." Jana says in a kind tone, but firm to let you know that you are over with the treadmill.

You stopped there, taking your kit towards your face and wiping the sweat. You are like that for a few minutes, the emotion is coming back and you keep repeating to hold it, at least until you reach your car.

When you put your kit down, you see how Jana is leaning her head on her arms and looking at you, waiting. Her gaze is warm, kindness floating on her brown orbs.

"Come with me?" She murmurs, extending her right hand towards you. Her smile matches her gaze, a welcome invitation that takes you by surprise.

You don't say anything, you shyly put your hand on hers, going down the treadmill and letting her take you whatever she wants. You notice that there are only a few of them there, you find the rest in the changing room.

"Stay here." Jana says after making you sit in her place. You missed the warmth of her hand, or her presence next to you. If you need to describe her, it would be warm, she reminds you of the sun hitting your skin in Spring, a hot chocolate to warm you from the cold.

You see her talk with Mapi and Ingrid, Alexia next to them remaining quiet. The couple sneak some glances towards you, mainly Mapi who are reluctant to come towards you at any moment.

Ona raised a thumbs up to your way, asking with only a gesture of her head. You nod once, enough for her to gift you a small nod too with a tiny lipped smile before she resumed what she is doing.

Kika approaches you and kisses the side of your head accompanied by a soft squeeze on your shoulder, then she goes away from there.

The young Catalan came back with your things in hand, a soft smile on her face telling you to give her a moment to collect her things. You feel how a pair of arms involved you, whispering the same thing she said the first day, the defender kissed your head and went away. Ingrid copied Mapi in a silent manner and Alexia just rubbed your hair, pinching softly your cheek.

You follow Jana through the halls, hands on your barça jacket's pocket and hiding your chin, it's a cold day. She takes you towards her car, once you are inside she comments to have a warm drink in a cafeteria she likes.

Jana ordered for you, having a small conversation with the woman behind the bar. You listen to her dazed, noticing how her knee is brushing your under the table. Then, she stopped talking and took a look through the local, eyes landing on you while her finger tapped the table mindlessly.

"Better?" She leans on, now supporting her chin with a hand. Her face is lightly inclined towards you, eyes scanning your face slowly.

You shrugged, feeling a little tired. "Better than before." You said in a husky voice, hands still inside of your jacket.

The woman came back, putting two hot cups of cacao on the table with two plates, tostadas con jamón y aceite. It was you always asked since you started living here, Ona took you some day to have breakfast and since then it's what you take.

"Everyone likes jamón." Jana answered when you ask how she knew, shrugging while giving a sip to her cup hiding a smile.

You feel better with every sip you take from your cup, the hot drink helping your mood. You two eat in silence, the only noise is from the people around you. Your eyes are looking around curiously, small groups of people in their lives that right now are sharing a moment. Low music from a radio station enveloping the place, kids being loud, laughs filling the adults table and the cash register sounding constantly, for the owner's luck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She whispers once you finish eating. Both arms lean on the table while slightly she leans, the end of her hair brushing their palms.

You swallow, she is direct.

Do you?

Deep down you knew that you needed to tell someone. But is Jana the right person? You are afraid she will judge you, even if you know that she —actually— isn't going to do that.

"It's from yesterday... It's silly." You said in a quiet voice, hands under the table playing with a napkin.

"Everyone has a bad day." She says after a few minutes of silence, sad eyes telling you the poor performance you played yesterday.

"I played like a toddler... Shit, worse." You muttered, knitting your eyebrows.

You soften your expression when you see Jana's confused one. "Toddler? You have a few mistakes, but you do not played badly." She points out, like really confused. "Do you think you played bad?"

Silence, that's your answer to her question. The brunette relaxed her eyebrows, taking your silence like an affirmative. It's when you feel your eyes watering again, feeling a little exposed. You hear the sound of a chair being dragged when you look down, her right knee is touching yours, one of her hands grab yours gently and pull up to the table, her thumb rubbing a small pattern in your palm.

"I don't think that you played bad." She confesses in a low voice. You raise your gaze slowly and you find peace, an invitation to say more if you want. She doesn't need to ask out loud what she is doing with her eyes, the defender waited patiently holding your hand.

"I can't anymore." You whisper, scared. It's the first time you say it, that words falling from your mouth and not from your mind where it fell to a mountain where the same words stack.

You see for a second her surprise swim in her eyes, though she covered it quickly and remained quiet, the only gesture she makes is squeeze the hand holding.

"I think I don't fit into the team..." You continued after a few minutes. "The high level you all are, it's impossible for me to be there some day. The only new ones I learned are my scars in my ankles, it's like there's a huge fountain with water but I can't find where to drink." You rant, tears streaming on your cheeks. Your voice is getting shaky, chest going up and down with every word you unlock. "I don't deserve to be here, you all don't deserve to pull from me." You finish to say, voice dying slowly. You two know that there are more, but you can't continue because you are tired, and sobbing.

Jana leaves your hand to wrap your body in a hug, bringing you towards her while her hand starts to rub your back. She doesn't care if you wet her hoodie or her hair, Jana just holds you in a tight and warm embrace letting your tears find their place on her shoreline.

"Can I say something?" She whispers in your ear after a while, when you calm down a little. You nod, not daring to articulate a word. "I can't imagine what you are feeling right now, but believe me when I tell you this. We don't see you like you don't deserve to be here. Actually, we are impressed by you." She admitted, taking a pause. "Yeah, the first training you looked a little lost but even you did it well. Do you remember the little game that you played against Mapi? You made her sweat, it was exciting to see that duel and you fought against one of the best defenders and won. And I remember in your second match how you saved a ball that the referee said it's goal but it's not, and how you give an assist. I see Alexia and Aitana fear for the position on the team for you, because with every training and every match, you are getting better." Jana separated a little from the hug and grabbed your chin, making you look at her. "Please, don't give up because your demons are winning here." She gently taps your head, wiping later some dry tears from your cheek.

You bite your lip, whispering a thanks to her and come back to hide on her neck.

Jana kissed the side of your head, telling you that she would make you change your negative opinions and doubts of you leaving the team.

•••

Something between you two changed that evening.

Your friendship finally blossomed.

Maybe it is the secret you shared with her, where there were a few more told. Jana listened to your insecurities and held your hand, kissing your invisible wounds on your cheeks while whispering to your demons that they aren't going to win.

She had your back the moment you told Mapi, Ingrid and Alexia what happened.

For the first time you saw Mapi snap at Alexia when this one tried to stop her from asking you. The defender screamed on her face what you said, blaming her for not noticing this.

Awkwardly you stopped the confrontation where Alexia was pallid and mute, while Mapi had her face red for the anger. You told them it's not their fault, it's only yours, promising them that you took remedy and started to see the psychologist team.

You don't want to scream at your entire team what happened to you, so you just spoke with a few and this one shared quietly what it was.

Patri and Claudia were telling you not subtle that you played amazing or had a good training. You gave them an appreciated smile, chuckling at the end for their expressions.

Ona got more affectionately, showing to your apartment like it was hers and sometimes staying there, she even introduced you to Lucy for Facetime, teasing you a lot for your quietness after hanging up. You feel her gaze softer from the day she found out, making everyone shut up on bonding nights to let you choose or just accompany you in your silence.

Kika is a mix of Ona and Mapi, she has perceived you like a friend for a long time, so she isn't afraid to shut you up if she needs to tell you something, always with good manners. Then, she showed you affection.

The couple basically adopted you, if it's not Mapi checking on you it's Ingrid or both of them at the same time, but they promised you what happened, never happened again.

Alexia is who you need to reassure her more, her words with you are careful out of the training grounds. You feel her eyes on you the entire time, keeping her closeness at bay but reassuring you that you belong there.

The rest of the team helps in their manner too, like Aitana when she took you to a campsite a whole free weekend on the national window and where she had a small injury and couldn't make it (Mapi trailing behind, of course).

They are making you see, and you are grateful for that.

•••

Something you learn to be their teammate is how affectionate the majority of them are.

You always have someone side hugging you when the training session is over, the cuddles on bond nights or how they shared the personal space with you.

However, you become a mess when Jana starts to be affectionate with you. At first there was an arm around your shoulders, sometimes accompanied by a kiss on the cheek, but later started the hugs from behind that only was for a few seconds but enough for you to trip with your own feet, her pinky finger intertwining with yours on walks towards the gym or changing room, or during bonding nights joined Kika and think that you are a comfortable pillow to lean on.

"When is the wedding?" Claudia asks when she spotted Jana's hand intertwining with yours laying down on top of a table.

You blush, thinking to pull off your hand.

But Jana just chuckled, her attention was on Salma because they were talking, her head turned to look at Claudia. "Soon." She said smirking, a tease tone following Claudia's intentions. Jana turns to look at you, pushing your shoulder with hers in a friendly way while sharing the complicity with you.

"I hold your hand too." You spoke out, clearing your throat. "Why is the wedding with her and not with you?"

Small laughter is heard, the girls scattered around the turf mock Claudia. The midfielder rolled her eyes, a small red shadow on her cheeks, she played it off and left a sigh, grabbing a near chair and sitting in front of you, showing her middle finger in your direction.

You give her a grin.

***

"You need to be careful!" Alexia says still holding your arm in her hand. "Try not to trip, please."

You give her a lipped smile, apologising later.

"It's not her fault, Ale. It's her." Mapi says behind you two, bottle in hand giving a long sip.

Alexia frowns confused while you curse Mapi and calm your nerves.

"Who? Who do I need to blame for making her trip four times this morning?" The blonde asks at her incredulous, frowning because she can't point out who Mapi is referring to.

The defender starts to smirk, looking at you briefly before she points with her head the place. You elbow her, muttering that is a lie.

"Don't blame her, today la cabrona is glowing." Mapi commented, letting a small chuckle by Alexia's reaction. "My child here has a huge crush on our Jana." She said patting your shoulder, making a fake pout when you push her hand away.

Alexia looks at you, eyebrows raised. "¿En serio?" It's all she says. You avoided her gaze, embarrassed and quietly, not wanting to confirm anything and less in front of Mapi, who you still don't do it. You hear how she takes a breath, taking your arm on her hand and leading the way to the changing room. "Please, just be careful today. Tomorrow probably could be our last Champions League match and I need you there, without any injury. You hear me?"

You nod slowly, trying not to make a face when you hear Mapi's giggling behind you, muttering to have luck with that at the captain's way.

***

When Alexia said it could be our last match of the Champions League this season, she wasn't kidding.

The first match played in Munich finished in a tie, 2-2 and left the decision to be resolved in Barcelona.

You enter into the second half, in the 67th minute. Caro was suffering what looked like a new injury and you subbed on her, you covered the left wing leaving Salma to the right one. Your team was losing by a goal, Georgia Stanway scored in five minutes of starting the match.

2-3.

It's not a first appearance for you to be in a Champions League match anymore. You push like your team, even if you are not not comfortable playing that position, you fight every ball.

But it seems that your team has bad luck today.

Cata Coll received a red card and there is not more change to do.

You see how Alexia pushes the team out of the referee and stays herself to speak, you look to the minute, still there are eighteenth minutes to do something. Something impossible right now, with one less and someone like a goalkeeper when they aren't.

You join the group when Alexia shakes her head, you all saw it and knew that it was a red card. Now you all need to choose who would be the goalkeeper and try to stop the penalty.

"I'll do it." You say before someone else offers, they look at you. You can perceive their uncertainty, Jana looks at you with surprised eyes as Mapi. "We need you all there, I'm the most irrelevant on the pitch right now with one less. I'll do it." You explain briefly, not waiting for them to reply and step towards the sideline, receiving the goalkeeper's kit with Cata's gloves, this one held your head between her hands and gave encouraged words, telling you that if you did before, you can do it again.

Everyone patted your back to your way to the goal, Mapi helps you to put on the gloves. You shared a look that says everything and after giving you a short hug, she puts herself out of the box.

You approached the referee, in front of Pernille Harder who has the ball between her hands. In another moment you could collapse having your idol in front of you, but you need to focus. Nodding with the explanation, you pull on the sleeves and extend your arms a few times to stretch.

The noise felt silent, your focus entirely on the player looking at the ball. You only need a small crack to read what she is going to do, you say it on your mind, scanning Pernille's face to resolve her intentions. Then, you see it. The moment Pernille takes a few steps back, she looks at you for a brief second and you know what she is going to do.

You don't blame her, it's something that you would do too if the goalkeeper you are shooting is not a natural goalkeeper.

You take a small breath, changing your expression a little to let her know that you felt a little insecure, praying to the ball's god for Pernille to believe you and not change her mind.

Everything there is in slow motion, the run Pernille makes until she shoots.

You remained on the spot, the ball hit hard your hands sending it up, catching it later between your hands while you feel the sensation run on them. You throw yourself to the pitch, not believing that you guessed Pernille's choice, even if the ball was sent to your way hard, you stopped because you stayed in the middle.

You feel your teammates launching you, screaming happily and congratulating you. Mapi helps you to stand up, kissing your forehead before she runs to her position. You catch Jana's eyes briefly, she winked at you and waited for you to put the ball up.

Shaking, you send the ball for the forwards. You can feel a new sensation that maybe, your team could at least score and extend to extra time.

The minutes pass and the rival players are more in your area, your teammates protecting the box so they don't let them go through. There are a few shots to your goal, but they go away or are stopped by the defence line. Alexia shouts at you to play in a short ball, to try to create a play and maybe score. There are five minutes to left plus the extra minutes the referee would put.

You pass the ball to Mapi, Lea Schüller giving her everything and sprinting towards her for Mapi to pass to Ona. The rivals are making your team rush the ball and a mistake, they would take it from them. Patri shot from out of the box, hitting the goal hard and the ball going out. Your breath is stuck on your chest for a moment, clapping like the fans to cheer up.

The second time your team steals the ball from Zadrazil's feet, Aitana passes the ball immediately to Alexia, who runs smoothly to the box but she sees how the ball couldn't pass through the defence line and gives a pass to Claudia to the right side, the Catalan kick the ball at the first touch and with precision, put the ball inside of the net, making the whole stadium vibrate.

You jump, throw your arms up and meet Mapi who decides to celebrate with you instead of going with the rest, Irene joins you two.

The head coach screamed at you all to keep calm the last three minutes, probably going to extra time if the result stays like that.

You control your emotions on the last play, there is a corner for the Barbarian team. You push the player who puts you in front of you, Patri comes and flanks her, not letting her have many options with the ball.

The ball is sent to the other side of the pitch by Alexia, finishing the match indicating there is extra time.

You jogger to the sidelines, towel around your shoulders while you tell the staff team when they ask that you still feel the sensation on your hands from the penalty. Cata goes towards you, hugging with force and screaming how proud of you she is, remaining by your side in the circle forming around the coach, everyone drinking or eating a banana. Listening carefully, you try not to think too much about what you are doing or what you would do through the extra time. Alexia goes towards the referee when the break is over, deciding which side you all would start.

The first half is hard for you all, the Bayern's girls closed your all in your sides. You don't know how you stopped some balls, but you did. Other times were thanks to the defensive line, sending the ball out or to the other side of the pitch.

You all are suffering.

The second half you almost provoked a heart attack to everyone there. It's in a counterattack for them, the rival team are more tired this part and not pressuring like the first half, so your team breathes a little. You were close to the middle, watching carefully the play where Mapi would center the ball and with luck someone pushed it through the net, but not. Giulia Gwinn pushes the ball out of the box, Klara Bühl catching the ball and running towards your goal. You ran behind with your eyes fixed on the player, some of her teammates following her.

It's you and her.

You notice that she doubted for a second, enough for you to fight the ball. The moment she doubts you go towards her and throw yourself down at the same time she was gonna kick the ball, impacting your feet on the ball and sending the ball near the corner. You stand up and run for it, hearing the shouting of your teammates. You feel how she pushed you, but you don't move a centimeter and immediately run with the ball towards your goal, stopping on your tracks and passing the ball through the rival's legs, kicking the ball hard away from you.

Irene shouts at you to not do it again, you just nod, but you would do it if you feel you can.

Alexia sent you a look, a warning and scared one.

But Patri came and slammed her body into yours, screaming a loud ¡Vamos!

The second half is over and it means penalties.

Your legs feel like you would fall at any moment. The goalkeeper coach like the goalkeepers takes you a little apart, studying in the short moment you have the rival's players. You nod your head, remaining quiet.

Cata gives you a hard hug, Ellie and Gemma encouraging words.

You approached the group, Jana walked to your side and held your hand. The touch makes you feel how irritated your skin becomes for the impact of the balls, but you don't mind, you squeezed her hand gently.

Alexia leaned her forehead on yours and muttered that you can with the last push. However what happens tonight, she is proud of you. It makes you blink a few times because those words have some effect on you.

They all tell you some words, always accompanied by a hug. The last one is Jana, which helps you to put the gloves back. She didn't say anything, just gave the longest hug that no one of them gave you.

You walked towards the referee, alongside the rival's goalkeeper how pat your back friendly, you did the same.

Nodding, you see how Pernille is going to start. However, you know that this time, she is scoring. The blonde is going to fix the mistake she made herself before.

You look briefly to where your teammates are in line, they are hugging each other while watching you, some of them nod their head towards you. The roar of the public is loud behind you, the barça fans making noise and having your back.

The referee whistle and Pernille takes a run, sending the ball to the right corner where you only could brush a finger.

At least you tried. But still you punch the grass a little annoyed. You walk out, seeing how the rival's goalkeeper put herself where you were before.

Alexia is taking the first penalty in your team, to your mind came that day you stayed behind with her and practiced with them, you know the captain was getting herself hard on that department with some of the failed penalties she made in the past.

However, she scored hard to the left corner, jogging towards you and whispering that you can, giving you a short hug.

The second penalty you focus your attention on her face, trying to decipher her choice. Klara Bühl takes a run the moment the referee whistles and you throw yourself where Pernille threw before the ball, ball hitting your hands hardly.

You scream, letting out some emotion. The public roared with you, accompanied yourself next to the goal to leave your teammate to do her job.

Mapi is the second, not surprising you at all since the Aragone have un guante en el pie, like Spanish said. She kicks it like Alexia, but to the right side, cheating the goalkeeper shamelessly. She jogged towards you, raising you in her arms briefly while congratulating you and whispering to keep like that.

Georgia Stanway sent the ball very strong to the right side, hitting the net with a hard sound.

Tie.

Taking a small breath, you keep away from that moment. Aitana walks to the box, putting the ball whatever she wants. You see how the goalkeeper guessed the side and stopped it, sending the ball up and outside for the force.

Aitana walked towards you with teary eyes, whispering apology words to you when she hugs you.

"We are a team, Aiti. We won, we failed. All together, remember?" You said firm, both hands on her shoulders. She nods slowly, coming back with the rest who give her reassurance.

Giulia Gwinn almost scored, but you stop the ball with your foot.

You point the bench with your glove hand, Cata jumping on the spot screaming wildly.

Patri is the next, you know she is going to score. She has this aura, the elegance and the shame to do whatever she wants. She surprised you when she chose the middle, fainting the goalkeeper first. The Balear jumps on you, kissing your head while chanting with the public.

Your eyes are glued to Lena Oberdof, seeing how she puts the ball in the middle. The sound of the whistle made her give some steps back, kicking the ball in a strong shoot that graze the goal and missed to go inside.

You closed your eyes, this it is. If your teammate scores, your team will pass to the semi final. You leave a sigh out, walking to the side. Your eyes focus on your teammates, seeing how Claudia is walking towards the box. She crossed her gaze with you, winking in your direction she put the ball.

Claudia sent the ball to the right side, once again cheating the goalkeeper. She runs towards you, throwing herself to your arms while you hold her. Soon your teammates surround you two, you feel hands on your head and happy screams.

You don't know how it happened but they throw you through the air, chanting your name. Mapi and Ingrid hold your hand the entire time, only letting you go when they said you need to do an interview, to your surprise.

You don't feel your hands, your teary eyes and the adrenaline spreading through your body transport you to your low moments and you tell yourself that you would do all over again to live this moment.

•••

"How do you feel about being the MVP?" Jana lowly said, eyes scanning the trophy on the table.

You two are on the balcony, the night enveloping this moment. The emotion you two feel is too much to go to the bed and try to sleep.

You raised a leg up on the chair, leaning your chin tiredly. "Weird." You say, looking at it like if the trophy has the answer. "It's the first time I've won one." You confess, shrugging.

The dim light of the balcony reflected the small place, Jana's plants surrounding you two, flowers blossoming thanks to the Spring, making it look somewhat romantic and welcoming.

Jana blinks tiredly, brushing the metal under her fingerprint. Her hair is a little humid, falling in small waves at the ends. There is a soft spring breeze, the cold far away from these days in Barcelona.

"The first of many more." She states in a low voice, the corner of her lips turning up. Her eyes find you, her finger left the trophy to pinch your cheek gently, giving a rasp small quiet laugh when you made a face.

Then, the silence followed.

You close your eyes, enjoying the peace around you, the emotions from the match vanishing and the tiredness making its appearance. The smell of the roses and claveles —like she told you—, white carnations being the most prominent. Then, you feel a soft sensation in your hand and without opening your eyes, you know what it is. It's Jana's hand, her fingers tracing the red spots created during the match.

"They are better..." She whispered, who insisted on putting on some cream to calm them. "And soft." Jana finished, keeping tracing your other hand.

You feel her warm travels for your hand, until she intertwines her hand on yours and leaves them on her lap. It's why you opened your eyes, brown eyes on you already. The moment you have your eyes closed, the brunette gets closer towards you, her body leaning up a little on the table, her face gets closer and it is inevitable for you to not drop your eyes to her parted lips.

The corner of her lips turns up again when you raise your gaze, indicating that she notices what you did and the blush of your face getting fresh. Her free hand removed some strand of hair out of your face, tucking them behind your ear in a soft gesture.

"Come here..." She pulls from your holding hand towards herself gently, doing it again when you remain still in your chair. Jana makes you sit on her lap, her hands going to your neck and unexpectedly she kisses you.

There is no rush, it's a soft and gentle pressure against your lips. Your surprise takes the best of you, coming to the reality when her thumbs started to brush your cheeks in a slow motion. You two separate, her hands still on your cheeks and now her nose brushing yours, eyes looking at you patiently and warm, they always are warm.

"I missed your gaze on me." She whispers in your mouth, pecking your nose to start to spread kisses through your cheek.

You don't understand what she means, but your heart is jumping on her ribcage with every kiss Jana is showing on your skin. You look at her dazzled, your hands going up slowly to her face and without thinking too much, lean down to capture her lips on yours.

•••

You enter the changing room with your phone in hand, knitted eyebrows for the call you just received minutes ago. Your feet take you to your spot, sitting on the tiny bench looking through the wall trying to decipher if the call was a joke.

A tap on your shoulder makes you blink, Aitana looks at you unsure.

"You okay?" She asks carefully, standing next to you.

You tilt your head, nodding slowly. "I think so."

Then, your eyes fly to the changing room and notice that everyone is looking at you. You frown, not knowing why they are looking at you. Jana soon is stepping towards you, stopping next to Aitana but she bent down, grabbing your free hand between her hands.

"You sure? You don't look like you are." The brunette state, low voice only for you to hear or Aitana who is standing next to you two.

You take a breath, and nod. "I just received a call..." You said, trailing off while your eyes focus distractedly behind Jana's back.

The team looks at themselves unsure, you don't look that good to them. Alexia steps towards Jana and Aitana, stopping behind the defender.

"What's it good?" Alexia pressed a little, worry spreading on her features.

You look at her, relaxing your face when you take notice of her worry. You cleared your throat, nodding once again. "Sarina Wiegman called me." You confess.

The squeeze on your hand makes you look at Jana, who looks at you surprised. Her eyes are open lightly, lips parted and keep staring at you.

Around you, your teammates started to murmur, clearly surprised as like you.

"But you are Greek." Mapi says out loud what everyone is asking.

"But I lived two years in England and I have the nationality because we thought to stay there longer." You explain, remembering a few of them when you told it to them.

"That's good... Right?" Alexia says, unsure at the end. You start to paint a smile, something about you dreamed but give up a long time ago, it's happening.

"Right." You say, giggling happily.

They don't have time to say congratulating words because Jana throws to your body and forgets about them, grab your face and smash her lips on you.

It's you now who looks surprised, showing it when Jana parted away a few centimetres and realised what she did. Mapi leaves out a dramatic line, throwing threat words towards the brunette while Ingrid holds her arm, the Norwegian spread a grin the moment your eyes meet, relieving you a little for her reaction.

"Another couple..." You heard Alexia leave out in a low voice, making you share a look with your —now exposed— girlfriend and both of you smile.

Bonus

Stirring up, you open your eyes.

Jana's face is centimetres of yours, sleeping peacefully. Her hair is everywhere, mouth half opened and arms wrapped securely around your body.

You smiled sleepily, your heart starting to beat a little faster.

Blindly, you search for your phone and watch the hour, opening your eyes. You leave it under the pillow and come back to watch your girlfriend, raising a finger to her cheek and tracing it, making her stir up a little a few seconds later.

"Awaken already? Come back to sleep." She greets you, voice husky. In your opinion, is your favourite voice. She closed the distance and hid her head on your neck, nose brushing your skin and making you squirm when she leaves a small kiss there.

"I need to go..." You said, a hand going to her hair and start massaging her scalp, a content sigh fell from her lips.

"No. You are staying here with me." Jana whispers, sounding like a stubborn child. Her hands sneak under the old shirt you are wearing, the brunette gives it to you the first night you stay in her apartment.

You roll your eyes painting a smile, her fingers tracing your skin. "I have training and you have a recovery session." You remind, hearing how she left a soft groan.

Jana raised her head from her hiding spot, sleepy eyes looking at you. She leans and presses a kiss to your lips, putting the sheet out of your body and putting herself on top of you between kisses. Your hands fall to her naked shoulders, opening your legs for her to place there.

"I want you for me... We don't have time together since the season is over." She said after she kissed you, frowning.

You give her a knowing look, a teasing smirk creeping on your face. "I'm sorry we are playing in a World Cup, αγάπη..." You said, removing a strand of hair from her face watching how she rolls her eyes.

"I forgive you because you call me amor." Jana smirks when you leave out a sigh for her answer.

Then, she leans to capture your lips again, tongue brushing your lower lip to allow her permission. It's been a long time since you two give up on morning breath. Too distracted to pay attention to another thing, you two missed when someone else opened the bedroom door and only realised it when two different screams were heard.

"Stop perverting my teammate!" Lucy's thick accent showed up, hand on her eyes and leaning to the bathroom's door.

Ona shouts to Jana to put on some clothes when the brunette keeps on top of you not caring that the two see her completely naked.

Jana leaves out a sigh while picking up the t-shirt on the floor, muttering that they saw her like that before and don't understand the problem. However, her arm wraps around your shoulders and brings you towards herself, intertwining her leg with you and covering them with the sheet.

Lucy gives her a look, sitting on the other bed belonging to Ona. Her smirk spread out when notice the daring look on Jana's face.

"I need to take her with me." Lucy speaks up, understanding what her ex-teammate is doing.

Jana brings you closer, muttering at her that it's not happening. Ona rolls her eyes, witnessing the scene for the second time that week. She fears that it wouldn't be the last. The freckled girl steps towards her own bed, sitting next to the British.

"Stop pouting and take a shower, we need to go to recovery." Ona instructed, taking a quick look at her phone to see the hour.

Jana looks at you, a sad look on her brown eyes. You don't like to see that, you know that after she needs to travel to another city where her next match would be. You take a hand to her cheek and murmur that only would be five days.

"It's too much." She whispers only for you to hear, her other arm going to wrap to your waist the moment she leans on your chest, your heartbeat calming her.

You see how Lucy and Ona look at you two incredulous, not understanding the drama. Maybe they pass that phase.

"I'll be yours when it's over. And you would stuck with me the whole season again." You promised, feeling how your phone is vibrating under the pillow.

Jana raised her head, leaning part of her side on your chest. "I would love that." She says, closing the distance and kissing you slowly, once again ignoring your friends.

"Enough! We need to go now." Lucy breaks the moment, standing up and walking to the chair where your national clothes are. She throws it to the bed, hitting you two on your faces. "I'm old for this..." She muttered to herself, walking out of the bedroom.

You give Jana a smile, pecking her lips one last time and picking up your clothes, going to the bathroom with Jana's whining with every step.

Once you are fully wearing your clothes, you come out and Jana still is on her bed, a hand on her eyes spreading out dramatically. Ona begs you with her eyes to help her to make Jana move.

You throw yourself on top of Jana, her arms and legs immediately wrapped around your body and you take this opportunity to take her to the bathroom. "I will miss you too, silly." You say on her lips, happily letting Jana hold the sides of your face to bring you closer.

"σε αγαπώ." She muttered, making you fall in love with her every time she said them.

"T'estimo." You repeat the same words but in her language.

Ona makes a grimace, typing on the group chat that she never is going to be roommates with Jana again.

[cock3tte]

missed you | satoru gojo, jjk

| taking a week off to fly to paris, only to come back to a horny gojo | smut

(friends with benefits!!)

SATORU >

behind all the overtime of slaughtering curses is a handsome pay that often makes people like yourself wonder if the higher-ups are just generous or if they just don't just want to be more short handed than they already are with staff

whatever the answer is, you're not complaining. and so, after weeks of planning and deciding, you chose to spoil yourself and go travel to paris for a week or so and it really made all those overtime hours worth it

once you returned back to tokyo, you sat down on the floor in your apartment with your suitcase in front of you, unloading all the items and souvenirs you brought for everyone in jujutsu tech. you were tired but not tired enough to consider it as jetlag

"let's see..." you murmur to yourself, counting the souvenirs you brought to make sure it was enough. you didn't want to leave paris empty handed so you may or may not have emptied out every shop in paris

an example of items you brought was a beautiful bow hair piece for utahime, a nice pair of glasses infused with cursed energy for maki, expensive cologne for nanam-

the doorbell rang across the hall, interrupting your train of thoughts as you got up to see who was the unexpected visitor

satoru was standing in front of you, a smirk on his face as his hands were in his pocket, staring at you through his blindfold. you looked at him up and down with an amused eyebrow raised and a smirk on your lips, crossiing your arms as you leaned on the side of the door. "you ran from the school to see me or what?" you joked, hinting how satoru came to see you with his uniform on.

and surprisingly, you hit the dot. "how'd you know?" he raised an eyebrow under his blindfold, his smirk widening a bit with a chuckle. you rolled your eyes as a response with a smile. "you came just in time, i brought souvenirs" you said before widening the door for him to come in

and satoru accepted the offer. "just in time" he said while walking inside your place before turning to face you with a small chuckle. "while you were out of japan, we had lots of shit happening"

after closing the door, you looked at him with a raised eyebrow out of curiosity. "like?" you asked, curious as to what unfolded when you were out of the country

your comment made satoru smirk as he walked closer and closer to you before whispering in your ear. "bedroom?” he whispered seductively, his voice sending familar shivers to your spine

it was all fun and games in paris and all but you missed satoru, missed the crazy nights you would have with him that would leave you paralyzed.

safe to say you were horny in paris and only satoru gojo himself could fix it

trying to hold your excitement, you rolled your eyes playfully with a smirk as you reached towards his blindfold and took a peak, meeting his blue eyes. "missed me that much?" you whispered softly to him

"very much" satoru muttered, his eyes now visibly going from your eyes to your lips. his hands go from his pocket to resting on your waist, his other hand on top of your hand, the same hand that was helping you take a peek of his eyes from his blindfold

"take it off" he whispered, barely managing to contain his lust. a whole week was hell and not even his hand helped his sore cock. he needed you, he desired you

slowly, you pulled off the blindfold and let it rest on his neck as you saw his eyes. normally, you would always think to yourself on how blue they always were, but these eyes were covered with hunger. they had lust written all over them

he really wasn't patient for you, wasnt he

immediately, he locked lips with you. he kissed you with hunger, like a man who hasn't eaten in days. his hand that was on top of yours immediately went to grab your waist, now being in his grasps

talking between kisses, he mumbled on your lips. "need you s'bad" and "god i missed you" were repeated as they made you more lust drink for him

you responded to him by giving him that same hunger kiss, arms wrapped around his neck as satoru let out a small moan. breaking the kiss, he picked you up and took you to your bedroom (which he already knew where) before dropping you onto the bed and crawling on top of you

where should satoru even begin? his mind was racing with thoughts on how to not just pleasure himself, but to also pleasure you

almost ripping your blouse off, he threw it across the room with no care and immediately dipping his head on your neck, sucking and kissing it with your hand on the back of his head, fingers slithering through his hair

letting a muffled groan out of desperation, his hand reached to intertwine with yours as he kept leaving trails of hickeys and kisses from your neck to your collarbone with your moans coming out as a reward

"how was paris?" satoru asked, his voice coming out muffled due to his lips not leaving your neck and it was hard to reply to him without cutting yourself with a moan

"was good, missed you though" you replied, making satoru chuckle. "oh did you?" he teased with a smile before leaning his head to your ear

"last week was the hardest week of my life" he whispered, his hand trailing down and down before his fingers were met with the waistband of your pants before slipping them under your pants. a moan came out from your lips, eyes half lidded from the arousal of pleasure forming between your legs

"there she is" satoru muttered, feeling your arousal from the tip of his fingers, the only thing blocking his fingers and your pussy was your panties, in which he gladly slid under

"needed that sweet cunt squeezin' my cock bad" he groaned, sliding a finger in you in which you moaned in response before he slid another finger in

his cock was about to rip through his pants from how tight you were around his fingers, making him let out a deep moan. "when will you never be this tight?" satoru whispered, curling his fingers deep in your oh-so needy pussy.

a week without you meant a week of satoru fucking his palm, which was hell because his palm can't be compared to your warm and tight cunt which satoru worships day and night

in general, he was going crazy all week

a whine of desperation came out from your lips, hips buckling onto his fingers as a sign for satoru to keep going

and when he did notice, he took his fingers out and that made you bite back a plead. he leaned closer from your actions, making him smile . "want you to cum on my cock first" he muttered before kissing you again, but more passionate as you bit his bottom lip, hands going under his shirt.

feeling his sculpted body under, you tug his shirt as a gesture which he knew immediately before taking it off and throwing it in the same direction as your blouse. taking your pants out as well and tossing it aside, satoru placed your bare legs and wrapped them around his waist. you were left with only your bra and panties on, which were drenched as satoru let out a small exhale, observing you with his blue eyes following your curves and body everywhere

no matter how many times he's seen you naked, he's always speechless

"made for me" he whispered before dipping his head to yours, one hand resting on the bottom of your head and the other skillfully unhooking your bra, revealing your breasts and your hardened nipples. "this body, this pussy, all made for me". he cupped one of your breasts with his free hand, making you arch your back with a moan following along. satoru's thumb brushed against your nipple before breaking the kiss and trailing his lips down to your chest

"never leave me like that again" he moaned, missing and craving your touch. all he could think of right now was to worship your body, worship you. his hand goes from the back of your head to your other breasts, fully cupping them. all you could do is simply moan with your arm draped on his back, clawing his back with your other hand simply on the back of his head

his kisses went lower and lower up to your pelvis, his hand going back between your legs and wrapping his index finger on the lace of your panties, taking them off

"let me ride you" you breathed out, looking at satoru with pleading eyes as it made him smirk before his hands went around your waist, slowly picking up your back from the mattress. instead, he leaned on the bedframe, his pants and smirk being the only thing he was wearing. "come here baby" he gestured with his hand, looking at you with lust driven eyes. "ride my cock"

crawling up to him, you took off his uniform pants to reveal him only in his boxers with a obvious tent between his legs, making you chuckle and smirk. "you really weren't kidding about that boner, were you?" you teased . his hands went around your waist and straddled you onto his lap. "last thing i'd ever kid about is me missing you" he said huskily, no hint of sarcasm and teasing in his words

your eyes slightly softened with a smile, a warm yet seductive one. "then let's get rid it" you responded before you leaned closer to his lips, kissing him, lips locked together with his, you trailed your hands down and under his boxers with satoru's grip on your waist tightening as a response to your actions. his cock twitched from the sudden contact with your palm, feeling your thumb rub around his pre cum covered tip in which he moaned in your lips

"please" satoru exhaled out with a muffle on your lips, his hand traveling from your waist to tucking a hair strand behind your ear before resting behind your head. a whine came out from his lips

"make this cock yours"

a smirk came on your lips from how needy he was before sliding his boxers out. "this cock has been already mine" you whispered to him as you leaned in to kiss him, pressing yourself on him and rubbing your pussy onto his tip. satoru's needy hands slid from your waist to your ass, pressing you more onto his cock as he let out a loud moan. "so tight, so so fucking tight" he slurred to himself with a whine coming out from your lips.

no matter how many times you fucked this man, he was always undeniably *big*

he started pushing you more to him, burying his cock in your pussy even more as your hands instantly went on his shoulders to hold yourself down on his lap from his rough thrusts.

breaking the kiss to catch your breath, he brought you back on his lips with lewd sounds from his cock in your pussy turning him on even more.

"you still on- shit, you still on the pill?" satoru panted as you gave him a frantic nod, making a small sigh come out from his lips. his cock was rough in you, feeling all those perfect spots being touched

your cunt clenched around him, making his cock twitch and a groan released from his lips. "your gonna suffocate my cock god- damn it.." he moaned, throwing his head and resting it on the bed frame with his hands still on your ass and thrusting in you

"sator- fuck, im close" you whined, your grip on his shoulder getting tighter as both of your hands went to cup his face, biting his bottom lip with a small hiss coming out from him. cum came from your sore cunt, soaking satoru's cock as a satisfied sigh came out from your lips with a whine released from satoru's lips as well, filling your pussy up with his cum

"thats it" he sighed, stopping his thrusts to experience his pleasure and deepening his cock in you to make sure no drop of his cum dripped from you before taking one of his hands and placing them on your chin

once the lust ran off both of you, a small smile went on satoru's face. "i missed you, seriously" he whispered in a soft tone, which made you smile back. "missed you too, satoru" you responded with the same tone before giving his lips a small peck. however, despite satoru fucking your brains out, you didn't forget about what he mentioned. getting off from his lap and laying your head on his chest, you spoke. "you said some shit happened when i was gone?"

satoru let out a small "oh yeah" of realization before responding. "i have a new student, along with nobara kugisaki"

"really? who?"

"ryomen sukuna's vessel"

"that's nic- wait what?"

END

ao3 link!! (press)

[self-loving-vampire]

I should clarify that the dig against HPMOR was just an example of how badly this kind of idea could go, and because I really don't like HPMOR, not that this was specifically what the OP was suggesting.

My argument is also not that you should write escapist fantasy (which I think is trash), that you should make stories where people are unaffected by their society, or that you should write stories where sexism doesn't exist.

It is that you should not have a stereotyped or narrow view of what someone's life may be like based on something like gender when women are infinitely varied. Even calling this variety "exceptions" reduces that variety into "normal women who are shaped by sexism in these specific ways" vs "exceptional women who are not."

You made a comparison to racism and I think that's probably illustrative of what I mean to say here as well: Not everyone of the same racial or ethnic group has the same experiences with racism and even the ones who do may still feel differently about those experiences.

It's the same if you want to write a character who has experienced child abuse. You can totally have that be a factor in why they behave the way they do and research possible consequences of child abuse, but once do that you may realize that not only is "abuse" a category encompasses a huge range of things that will naturally have very different effects but also that even the same type of abuse can have very different effects in different people based on all kinds of other factors you have to take into account.

There isn't one singular abuse narrative that represents everyone. Some people were abused by parents, others by classmates. Some people were beaten as discipline and strictly monitored, others were neglected. Some people react to abuse by becoming more aggressive while others become withdrawn, insecure, and submissive instead. Some people were just never abused at all despite being in social categories that are more likely to experience that (such as disabled people and queer people).

It's like that with women as well, that's why just "write them like normal human beings like you would do if they were men" is more applicable advice in my opinion. A lot of this stuff (like "what women are physically and emotionally attracted to") doesn't really have a simple answer you can just discover through research because it is built on subjective experiences that are unique for each individual woman, even if you were to narrow it specifically to cishetero women.

That is what I meant. Not "people completely separated from society" but "the ways in which individuals engage with their societies are incredibly varied and you can't just invent clearly defined and universally applicable "male socialization" or "female socialization" because that's going to be different based on time, place, and etc."

Occasionally you'll see a writer question like "how do you write women?"

And the answer that's given is often "WOMEN ARE PEOPLE".

I just ... I don't think that this is a good answer? It's true, but I think it's not that likely to help men convincingly write women unless they're starting from "women are magical unicorn creatures". Which, yeah, sure, some men are starting from there, and "just write a person" might actually improve their situation.

I think a lot of men fail with "ah, just switch the pronouns". They write women whose socialization and life history is unacknowledged. Women who have not suffered harassment, discrimination, male attention, etc. Women who wear makeup but don't ever think about the makeup. They get the texture of the emotions wrong. They get the history wrong.

And for a single character, I would argue that sometimes this just doesn't matter. An individual can go against the grain, and have their own quirks and foibles. You can have a woman who wishes that she were a man. Though ... a woman who wishes that she were a man because men have the "better" gender role would be quite distinct from a man, right? In terms of her internal motivations and backstory and stuff? All people live within a society, and are shaped by that, and by their socialization, and their gender role, and their reaction to all that.

So for writing women, you have to know what it's like to grow up as a woman, to be seen as a woman, taught as a woman, all that stuff. You can and should do research on these things! You should read stuff that women have written about what it's like to be a written, how it feels to be looked at by men, what female friendships are like, what women are physically and emotionally attracted to, the particular texture of fear and anxiety that women often have around men in certain situations, the emotional labor that women are expected to do, all that and more. There's a lot to it! And as with most research, most of it will not make it to the page, it'll be a thing that you think about, and then it becomes part of the background texture of the character.

And yes, this is the same approach that you take to all character writing, whenever you're trying to write someone who isn't yourself, when you have to think hard about internal experiences of other people and marshal an understanding of the circumstances of their life.

So I think "women are people" can serve that role, and at a really basic level, writing women is like writing any character with traits you don't have, but there's also a bunch of specific stuff that naturally would come up during research and talking to women that could help a lot more than just "idk, do your own research, just make sure they're not unicorn fairies".

[psshaw]

ai communists piss me off so much because like. they will go "the idea of corporations having the same rights as people is bad, and the copyright system is used to abuse artists" and i'll go "YEAH! and well it's not that simple i almost went into copyright law but YEAH!" and then they'll go "so actually me using an ai art generator is communist and if you hate it you're actually oppressing everyone alive ever, you are petit-bourgoise, and if you're mad about art being stolen to use it you just support corporations". and it's like... no.... that's not what those words mean...

Well, I can follow the logic. If you say you want a revolution, then the people who would protect the old ways of living are necessarily your enemies. And some people really do react to genAI by asking for more restrictive copyright, so it becomes easy and convenient to slot every dissenter into that dangerous category. I can empathize that most people involved in the discourse are just repeating stuff mindlessly, and it's exhausting to sort through.

But then the fact that UBI isn't even a conversation in most governments becomes a chafe point. If you set out to paint artists as traitors for being defensive of their $40 commission economy, what exactly do you want them to do, materially? It works the same way as making abortion illegal before addressing the issues of wages, maternity leave, childcare or education. I don't see the makings of a better world on the horizon any time soon. So why is it wrong to be distrustful?

They seem out-of-touch. Which isn't shocking imo, because I know of a lot of internet communists who persist without having a career to defend.

Then there's the matter of "everyone is already tired and helpless and lonely, so what's the further harm in giving the option to replace effort and thought and friendship with a company-owned, automated maybe-accurate yes-man mommy therapist?" as if that question doesn't already have answers freely available.

I don't think it's a coincidence that most Tumblr users are childless, and that there's a lot of intersection between genAI communism and self-infantilization. I think the appeal of Free Stuff, even with a horrible societal catch, will always go over well with people who see themselves as central and needing extended mothering.

But yeah. As far as I can tell, the important thing isn't making life materially better NOW, it's in fighting over exactly which way corporations should be able to control us: Copyright, or increasing reliance on a brain with opaque intentions?

[sweetonsugden]

Questions Misha has asked fans: (from the GISH 'Radical Self Acceptance' questionnaire)

What do you wish you could change about the person you are right now — not superficial things, or situational things, but about the way you interact with the world or a facet of your personality?

What are you ashamed of? What worries you?

What is the hardest thing for you to accept about the person you are right now?

What embarrasses you? Why?

Do you do anything that you pretend to value, but really isn’t all that important to you?

What was your strangest life experience?

Name something you used to like, but don't enjoy anymore. What replaced it, and what changed? 

Are you happy with how you spend most of your waking hours? Why or why not?

Who do you want to be?

What characteristics are important to you as a marker of a life well-lived? Do you embody them right now?

Over the past 5 years, a lot has happened and you’ve changed. What are three examples of ways you’ve grown, and three obstacles you still haven’t conquered?

What was one time when you overcame a seemingly insurmountable obstacle? Tell the story and what you learned.

Describe your “perfect” life. How does it differ from your current life?

He has also posted (unsolicited) naked pictures of himself online on at least three occasions. And the banana condom picture recently. He also has answered questions on Tumblr before. And responded to one ask with a suggestive poem he wrote about sucking the pips out of a watermelon. He also showed up uninvited to the AO3 event at Comic Con one year. And posted a celebratory tweet when Destiel reached over 100,000 fics on the site. He has joked on stage about BDSM and porn and "full penetration" with his co-stars. And of course there was the incident when he felt it was okay to publicly ask a room full of strangers if they were "introverts, extroverts or bisexual".

He has publicly shared stories about his experiences of poverty, parental neglect, homelessness, divorce, sex, threesomes, drugs.

But we should stick to asking him about what it was like working on Supernatural?

So, what you’re saying is that someone who controls what THEY feel like talking about, posting about, discussing, ON THEIR OWN TERMS automatically means it’s open season on whatever anyone wants to throw at them? Ah, I see. So… let’s say a woman wants to discuss her personal history and or make sexual innuendos about her own life and experiences means that anyone who pays money to talk to her can asked how hard she likes to take it? Because, I mean she did open the door to that conversation right?

Or, let’s say someone writes a book about their life story and you you pay money for the book, that means that you can get up at a book signing and ask them to share more trauma stuff because you’re curious? I mean, you did pay good money and all.

I guess you believe that if you pay money you get to dictate what an actor talks about because you own them for those five minutes that you have their attention, right?

As far as those questions from GISH, it sounds like a questionnaire based specifically on the topic of Radical Self Acceptance. Tell me, though….what does “describe something traumatic you’ve experienced” have to do with Supernatural or Castiel? What does asking Misha take a photo of your kissing his hipbones have to do with Supernatural or Castiel?

The regular panels ARE ABOUT SUPERNATURAL. He talks about all the more serious personal things about himself in a private show that doesn’t have a q&a and which he requests no one repeats what’s shared. There’s a difference.

Bottom line is, people like you want to compare someone being in control of what they share and what they do/discuss on their terms with believing you own someone because you paid some money for their time. That because he does what he feels like with his own information sharing, you get to treat him like he owes you something more.

If you think you’re going to convince me it’s the same thing, you are completely wasting both your time and mine.

[lilaccatholic]

I'm seeing so many hints about getting off of social media and I'm hearing so many people talk about how great they feel now that they've limited their social media use, and I have to say that I worry about my shortening attention span, but at the same time I don't *know* if I'm ready to take such a drastic step back. I think I'm going to commit to cutting down, but not getting off entirely. I like social media. I like our special secret little club, and to be honest with you all, I don't really *have* much going on in my personal life that social media is distracting me from. I've been trying unsuccessfully to find a job, my friends have mostly moved out of state, and my siblings aren't around as much. Whenever I do have more going on, I don't seem to have an issue with not being on social media, but also I miss writing for hours on end and devouring books like someone stranded in the desert finding an oasis. I know social media makes my anxiety worse, and I hate being endlessly advertised to. I worry that too many of my ideas are just parroting what I hear, but I also wouldn't have been exposed to so many of my favorite things and ideas or built as much confidence as I have without it. Some of my dearest online friends have been made because one mutual or another indoctrinated me into reading this book or watching that show or listening to these albums! And I love the silly little tag conversations! The tag games! Getting spammed with boops and friends sending me silly videos they think I'll love! But I also want more out of life than drifting. I just...I don't know. I don't want to leave. I don't know how healthy staying is. So maybe less is the answer? Especially given how many Big Life Changes I want to make, maybe destabilizing this piece of myself isn't too smart? It's a lot to think about.

[casscainmainly]

I really like your meta content on Cass and one of the reasons why I actually read Batgirl 2000 and 2024 is some of the things I read here

maybe you've already answered something similar, but... thoughts/headcanons/whatever you want on Duke&Cass? I would love to see more on them in the future ngl I liked what I saw with Orphan

OMG DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS ASK MAKES ME. ANOTHER BG 2000 AND 24 READER THE WORLD IS AMAZING. I hope you enjoyed them!!!!!!! And also asking about Duke & Cass... this ask is everything to me 😭😭

I'm not the best at headcanons but I made a post wayyy back where I was talking about their book tastes, and I think they'd have a little detective fiction book club!! But Cass is into cosies like Agatha Christie whereas Duke is into American hardboiled a la Raymond Chandler, and they'd argue a lot about which genre is better. Also, they don't read books at the same time anymore because Duke gets really focused on solving the mystery before it's revealed which in turn sparks Cass' competitive spirit and then they're both competing to solve the murder and forget to enjoy the book. So they've decided the club is just reading together in silence, sipping hot chocolate 💖. And sometimes if they get tired of reading Duke will play some heavy metal for Cass to dance to!!

One interesting thing about them is their respective views on family. Cass' morality is so predicated on the belief that children do not have to be like their parents, whereas Duke's outlook is steeped in honouring and furthering his parents' legacy. And they can both project these ideas onto other people - Cass with the various children she meets in Batgirl (2000), and Duke with his somewhat snide comments on other people's families in WAR and Gotham Nights. In certain scenarios, I can see this being a point of tension for them. I ALSO very much miss their siblinghood from Outsiders, I really hope he shows up in BG 24 soon!!!

Thinking about BG 24, Cass associating Duke with 'hope' is sooo important to me. It's something that doesn't quite come across in Outsiders, but Duke as a character is BUILT on hope. All throughout Snyder's writing of Duke and We Are Robin, Duke is a symbol for hope, rehabilitation, and belief in Gotham as a city. Cass pulling that out as her main takeaway from Duke is so MAGICAL. Like it shows such a deep level of respect & understanding of Duke and what he stands for!!! And hope is a trait also built into Cass' character, a fundamental tenet of her belief in redemption. This hope that people can and will be better is ingrained in both of them, and that's why although I think they do butt heads, they ultimately love each other so much and connect to each other so well.

ANYWAY I'm eagerly anticipating the next Duke + Cass interaction, may it come soon!!!